Turn the 'What If' to 'Even If'

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wrestling with anxiety even more these days. From world news to personal situations in my own life, the temptation to grow discouraged is quite real. My mind so easily can slip into a place of worry. I follow the spiral of the what ifs. "What if" this doesn't work out? "What if" things get worse? "What if" this person gets sick? "What if" I can't figure things out?

What if. Our minds can spin into a place of despair as we search for control in the midst of the unknowns. I was convicted by my own need for control when I listened to a sermon on the book of Daniel. The pastor sharing spoke about how we, as believers, need to change our vocabulary. In a world paralyzed by fear from the what if, we need to walk forward in faith. Brothers and sisters, we have to go from what if to even if. 

Even if chaos surrounds us, even if we are faced with uncertainty and presented with opportunity to give into fear—we have a hope and an anchor beyond the veil. Beyond the things we can see right now in this (temporary) world. His name is Jesus.

He was persecuted. He was rejected. He was crucified. He died SO we might live. SO that we might be reconciled with God. SO that we might have hope and a tested truth to cling to. SO we might have freedom from sin—from lust, gossip, idolatry, coveting, immoral behavior, murder, and more. SO we can have peace—peace that isn’t determined by everything going “ideally” in our lives.

So. How do we do this? How do we go from fear of what if to the facing of our even ifs.

1) Cling tightly to scripture and I mean CLING to it. Hold fast to “the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Heb.‬ ‭10:23‬ ). If you are looking to the news or to some person to give you "peace" or assurance, you are constantly going to be filled with anxiety. We have to get into the Word. It is not an option. We have to know the Truth. We have to know Who our God is and who we are in light of that. 

2) Pray. Shut off your phone. Stop scrolling. Talk to the One who sees the nations as a drop in a bucket. Seek His face. Find your rest and strength from Him. Tell Him what you are concerned about and let Him carry it.

3) Stand in truth. “God has not given us a spirit of timidity (some versions say cowardice), but of power and love and discipline (a sound mind)” (2 Tim. ‭1:7‬). Because He lives, we can face tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. Stand in belief that you are going to be cared for, that all your needs will be provided. Believe God and take Him at His word.

“What if’s” may happen. They may not. But *even if* they do, God is still on the throne. We know the ending.

We don’t get “fear not” 100% right every single day; but we can choose in moments of panic or chaos to look to Jesus. Look past the “freak out” moments that we are faced with. Look past opinions. Look past fear. Fix your eyes on Him. Scripture says to “seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually” (1 Chron.‬ ‭16:11‬). He has not left you alone.

Embracing Vulnerability

Vulnerability is hard. First of all, I hate making mistakes. Even more, I hate people knowing I make mistakes or seeing the parts of my life I don’t have “together”. It is so difficult to have someone see how I messed up or that I said something incorrectly. "Vulnerability" scares me because it means putting yourself in a position where the other person could hurt you. It means showing the good AND the bad. It’s allowing the mess to be seen for what it is. Like I said…its terrifying. :) But, as I’ve been reminded over the last few weeks, without vulnerability there can be no intimacy. Without transparency, you can’t move closer. You can mask transparency for a while; however, masks are masks. They conceal. The mask of sarcasm, humor or avoidance doesn’t actually help. They only bring isolation. 

I've been asking God over the last year to teach me about healthy vulnerability. There's a difference between telling someone every single thing you think about them--good and bad--and allowing yourself to be transparent. 

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I can truthfully say that I did not expect the ride that one prayer has taken me on. I did not expect that learning vulnerability would mean I had to experience the pain of making mistakes and letting someone watch me make them. I did not expect it meant learning how to talk about the things from my past that were really hard for me to articulate. It meant finding words to share when I've always been the listener. It meant bursting into tears at work and letting someone know it was because I wasn't doing well. It meant letting go of what people think and not stuffing because "they might think I'm not reliable".  BUT, as I started talking about the messy parts of my life, I was not prepared for what I received. I didn’t expect people to step closer when I expected them to step away. 

Honestly, I think that reflects God’s heart. In the middle of the mess, He sees us and still He comes closer. He saves us and leads us on the path of peace. THAT doesn’t make logical sense—for a Holy God to come close to those who are imperfect. Yet it is the essence of who He is. “He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near” (Ephesians 2:17). He brings peace to the heart that is used to striving to be accepted, peace to the diseased, peace to the broken, peace to the humbled, peace to those in poverty, peace to those in misery, peace to the lonely—because He is the Prince of Peace. He knows exactly how He made us and that we can’t make ourselves perfect. We aren’t supposed to be perfect. Only He is perfect. We can’t do anything to work towards perfection because only in HIM are we (1) redeemed (Eph. 1:7), (2) complete (Col. 2:10), and (3) lacking nothing (Ps. 34:9). We don’t have to strive...He has declared that it is finished. 

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So simple, yet so profound. To be seen, known and loved by a God who desires relationship with each of us...and to give us the opportunity to show that same love (in some small way) in our relationships here on earth. Now that is something to talk about. 

An Image Bearer

I love flying. I love the hustling, the walking, the anticipation as you wait on the runway. I love strolling up and down the halls during a layover (I know, I know. I'm crazy!). Mostly, I really love people watching.

I made a trip to New England recently, bringing me to a layover in the Charlotte, NC airport. [Side note: Can I just say how much I love that airport? Full of sunlight, faux trees, and wooden white rocking chairs. As far as airports go, a layover wandering those halls was pretty pleasant!]

As I boarded the first leg (in Boston) of the trip, I noticed the...uh...abundance of grumpy people. If you want to find a grumpy person--check the airport. However, before I got too sidetracked by staying out of their paths, the Lord reminded me of my mission as a Christian: we are little Image Bearers of Christ. We are to be little Jesus'--wherever we go, whatever we do. Whether we are handing out tracts on the streets of the Broncs, or walking through through Airport security. This being said, as I was waiting to hand my ticket to the security guard, I found myself smiling. Really big. I don't know why--but all of a sudden I got a super goofy grin on my face. I couldn't stop.

I walked through security, beaming at the grumpy glares shot my way. Eyes got big as I met the gaze of disgruntled passengers. I grinned as I walked down the terminal. I started humming softly as I waited for the call to board. Honestly, I just kept thinking about how much Christ actually loves me. How much He dearly loves all these people that were streaming past me. He sacrificed His own life for every single person--even those that reject Him. He gave Himself for the teens with dark eyes. The tired moms cleaning up spilled goldfish. Hunched over elderly gentlemen. Business men with spotless shoes. I kept thinking, and I kept smiling more (I may have even started whistling)! Then, as I walked through these sunshine-filled halls of Charlotte, I had another thought. What if my smile is the only smile someone sees today? What if I'm the only person that really looks them in the eyes? What if I am the only Christian they come into contact with today--or this week? What would I want someone to know about Christians, simply by seeing ME?

As I have walked with the Lord, I really REALLY believe that Christians (should) look different. Not weird different (although, now, we are starting to be considered REALLY weird), but we are "the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing" (2 Cor 2:15). We are to be different. We are to look different from the people surrounding us. For those who have found the kind of Hope which only Christ brings, there comes with it a peace, JOY inexpressible, and a quiet trust. We are to be LIGHT amidst darkness. We are to radiate the Love of Christ. 

I want to be different. I want to be so full of Love that people can tell I genuinely care about them. I want compassion to be in my eyes, words of kindness on my lips, arms prepared to serve, and a humility settled within my heart--a heart which knows who really IS to be praised. His name is Jesus. 

What about you? For those of you who follow Christ, what would your friends (those who call themselves Christians and those who don't follow Christ) say about you? That you are quick to argue or that you are a keeper of Peace? Is your mouth the first to "dish out juicy gossip", or do you intentionally go out of your way to encourage others ? What does your facebook say about you? What do your texts hold? What would that slow cashier at the grocery store say about your patience? Do you continually complain (even on social media) or are you looking for ways to help? What do your eyes say about the condition of your heart (Matthew 6:22)?

Most importantly, what would the world say about Christians by looking at you?

Friend, may our hearts be pure, TRUE reflections of the Image of Christ. May we be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry", full of "[peace], gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere" (James 1:19, 3:17). May we be truly different from the rest of this world.

In Him, 

Lullaby

I sometimes pray for my future kids. I pray for the strength to be a mom (Lord, willing) and that they would grow to love Jesus with their entire heart. I also pray for songs to sing to them, specifically lullabies. It may seem..different..but music is special to me, and I want my children (or even the kids I care for occasionally) to know how real the Love of their Heavenly Father is. Regardless of if kids have a fantastic relationship with their father here or if their dad isn't in the picture at all...the Love of God is tender and true. It's a place of safety for anyone who will call on His name.

I found this today as I was going through my journal and I realized how it's still even for us "grown-ups". When you are afraid, go to Jesus. When you cry--or when you are afraid to trust--He is your closest, truest friend. Quiet the turmoil in your mind. Sit beside Him for a while...just sitting. Listen to the comforting beat of a Heart that is filled with Love for you. He's your Father. He loves you.

Be Still (A Lullaby of Peace)

Be Still, Little One
In Daddy's arms,
for safe shall you be.
Even when it thunderstorms, 

He'll set you close upon His knee.

Don't fret, Little One
In Daddy's Arms
For truly He cares
Protected and sheltered, 

You can run to Him, 

When you feel scared.

Chorus: 

Find Rest, just rest.
Go and lay your head upon His chest.
Find rest, simply rest
And choose to trust,
for Daddy knows best.

Hush now, Little One
In Daddy's arms
There is no need to cry
He knows the thoughts
 In your heart
He'll wipe the tears from your eyes.

Find Peace, Little One
In Daddy's arms,
for He is Brave and True.
Every word that He has spoken
He will do for you.

(source:google)

(c) Anna Dumaresq

Deservest I? - A Poem

Deservest I of Life?
Nay, naught of life but death!

Yet thru His blood

My own debt was paid

With ev'ry shuddering breath.

Deservest I of Mercy?

Nay, naught of mercy but judgement!

Yet thru His love,

The spotless Son

Was wholly, freely sent.

Deservest I of Peace?

Nay, naught of peace but fear!

Yet, gently He leads

This heavy-laden heart

To waters--soft and clear.

Deservest I of Joy?

Nay, naught Joy but only pain!

Yet, my dear Jesus,

In His tender mercy

Pours forth Joy as rain.

Deservest I of Hope?

Nay, naught of Hope but sorrow!

Yet, His strong hands

the vic'try won,

We can face tomorrow!

Deservest I of Thou, Lord?

Nay, ne'er Thou but eternal separation!

Yet, still I heard

Thy tender, dear voice,

Compel me to sweet Salvation!

(c) Anna Dumaresq

(Image source: Google)

Teach Me, Lord - A Poem

Teach me Lord, to cling to Thee

When storm and tempest rail,

To cast all doubt into the sea,

And raise, in Faith, a sail.

To launch my future o'er white-capped wave,

Eyes lifted in fearless trust.

My heart content in Thee to save

This Child from every gust.

(Google)

Teach me Lord, to cast on Thee

All my heavy cares

To them o'er the side with glee

Thru never ceasing prayer.

To smile at e'ry looming wave

Though daunting they will seem

My boat of Faith shall stay afloat,

For my Captain is my King.

(Google)

Teach me Lord, to lean on Thee

When harsh winds thrust me down.

To bless the gust which beats on me,

It runs my Faith to safest ground
To watch with Joy for mornings dawn
Tho long may seem the wait
'Till safely stored, my boat shall lay
Securely tied at Heavens Gate.

(c) Anna Dumaresq

(Google)

Small Miracles

Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned and baked, and cleaned some more. I was supposed to head out to see a friend for tea around 12:30, planning to swing by the grocery store to pick up last minute things for the Strawberry Shortbread I was bringing. However, I lost track of time AND when I got into the car I was driving for the day, the dashboard was lit up like a Christmas tree. So, after a car switch, I ended up leaving aroun 12:55. For most people, 20 minutes can sometimes be made up in some way by shortcuts and such...unless you live a SOLID 35-40 minutes from the area you're supposed to be at AND have to do a grocery store run. Obviously my friend wouldn't be offended at being late, but I wanted to honor the time she set aside for me. So I did what I usually do--prayed.

"Lord, I need help. It's supposed to start snowing any minute AND I'm supposed to be at her house in 30 minutes (1:30 was our set time). Would you please somehow clear the way for me, and get me through traffic and through the grocery store?"

I started just singing and praising the Lord as I was driving (He is an awesome car buddy), just talking to Him and thinking about things He has done. As I drove, little flakes started drifting down. AAAAUGH.

"Lord, please hold off the snow until after I have tea with Leigh Ana."

When I finally pulled up to the grocery store, it was a steadier falling of delicate snowflakes. But it didn't phase me. I got out of the car, walking with a determined step--my list scrolling through my mind.

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While I approached the doors to the store, I happened to overhear the Grocery Cart-Collector (for lack of a better title) talking with an older woman in a very friendly, sweet manner. He waved at her, said "God Bless" then proceeded ahead of me to the cart rack. We made eye contact as I passed, and I smiled and said "Hello!". He nodded, smiled and said "How are you?". "Good thank you!" He went back to pushing carts into place, and I headed on inside the store. I can't really explain it, but I just felt so content and peaceful in the company of Jesus, that despite the snow and me being late, I just was pretty smiley. Maybe even joyful. ;) I walked quickly through the store, grabbing my small handheld basket full of needed items.

Source: Google

After grabbing the yogurt (very important to have good culture...;) ), I efficiently weaved my way to the front...where I found....Lines. Lots of lines. With only 2 lanes open. I had mostly produce with no bar codes, so I decided to bypass the self-checkout due to my reputation with them. I picked the less-lengthy line and settled myself into wait, just smiling and enjoying the peace in my heart.

Source: Google

Then. A tap on my shoulder. I turned hesitantly. It was the Grocery Cart-Collector, with his outdoor winter gear on. I was a little confused, wondering if I had done something wrong.

 "Ma'am, you look like you're in a hurry.Come with me."

I was thinking "ooook...what's going on? I am in the middle of a line, and he comes to get me out of everyone?", but I followed him anyways. The GC-C took my basket from me, then led me quickly over to a self-checkout. I was thinking "OK, I guess I can try it." 

Source: Google

Well, I did not have a chance to try. The GC-C, in his big winter coat and scarf, did not let go of my basket. He proceeded to scan quickly ALL of my groceries for me, meanwhile telling me how much he loved baby carrots, and seemed surprised that I was grocery shopping for my mom. His fingers flew over the keypad as he punched in produce codes by memory, smiling and sending items quickly down the conveyor belt. I just kind of stood there, unsure of what to do and feeling really blessed! He asked how I was paying, then pushed the Debit button for me. As I scanned my card, he went to the end and bagged all of my groceries for me. I was smiling so big because it felt like it was Jesus maneuvering me through the store and then checking out my groceries for me. I said "Thank you so much...that was a huge blessing!". He smiled, handed my my groceries and said "You're welcome!". When I stepped outside, my heart filled with joy, it had stopped snowing! I got to my friends house at 1:42.

~

God didn't have to do that. I mean...honestly, I would have lived if I had to sit in traffic and have to wait in the lines. It was not a huge thing...just a small request for help, in order to honor someone else. Yet, I asked for His help in something small...and I felt His smile and delight in showing me how even the man who is supposed to be collecting carts can reflect His love for me. That, as a Father loves when his daughter asks him to undo a lid or tie a knot, Jesus loves to take care of us...actual care of us. We just have to ask.

~

Being a Christian--following and obeying Jesus--does NOT mean life is all "daisies and butterflies"...it does NOT mean that you will not go through intense hardships, even extreme loss. So many people believe that if they become a Christian, money and success will pour out of everywhere. Also, another belief is that we will never have to worry about anything. But sin is sin, and it affects every single person's life in this world...Christian or not. Sin kills, pollutes and destroys. Provision for our needs will pour out---not necessarily popularity and acceptance that the world would crave. Trust me. People who follow Jesus are usually not popular. However, following Jesus does mean that you have a source of actual real Joy,  Unshakable Peace, and  Indescribably HOPE despite the corruptness of the world around us. The world can steal our possessions or even our lives...but the Joy of knowing and being loved by Jesus, the one who came to set us free from our sins, so we might learn to love righteousness and Him....THAT, no one can ever steal! There is no sweeter privilege than to be called a follower of Jesus. Nope. None. :)

God Bless, 

P.s. If you want to know more about Jesus or what I mean by no one ever being able to steal our Joy (or anything I talked about), feel free to email me! I love talking about this Jesus I follow. :)

Source: Google

A Glimpse

I have felt quite behind in getting back into a routine since mid-December! Haha! However, we had a super sweet Christmas with just our immediate family. Usually we have other family (aunts, uncles, etc.) around, but this year it was just my parents and us four sisters. I was still feeling under the weather, but we really enjoyed the sweetness of Jesus' Birthday. Rachel was home from Canada for a few weeks--needless to say we had a lot of laughter!

Christmas Eve

A night of unique Christmas sweaters and goofy faces

aheh. Goofy faces.

Her present hadn't come yet, so we showed her the picture of it and

I thought it needed a bow to truly be a present. :)

Rachie thoroughly enjoyed her calendar :)

Rachel got me a new Bible!!!! ah...praise God!

I enjoyed wearing the onesie my friend made for me!

Time for lunch--we do a big lunch around 1:00 

Aimee's favorite thing to make--Homemade mashed potatoes 

We always get glass bottles of soda, and this year we had snazzy straws

Well, just wanted to share a few pictures with you all. It was also really sweet because Jesus was just with me the entire day...and there's nothing like celebrating someone when they're there with you. :) I pray you all had a sweet day, and if you had a really hard one, just be reassured that Jesus is worth celebrating every single day of the year...so you can even rejoice today that He was born, in order that we might be saved! Praise God! :)

(Google)

True Answers to Prayer

Today, I just need to tell people of God's faithfulness. So, after planning on doing a "how this last year has changed my life" post, I am instead doing a "Specific Prayers Answered" because I want people to see how God answers prayers--big and small.

• I was told 12/18/2012 that my Skin Graft surgery would be the 24th. I laid on the examination table,crying with mom after the surgeon left the room. After mom and I had spent weeks being SO careful in wound care and I had bypassed so many Christmas activities because of concern, it felt like my best was not enough. I felt terrible because something I had accidentally done caused something that would be costly to mom and dad monetarily.YET. As soon as I turned my thoughts to the Lord prayed for strength, He filled me with SO much incredible peace that I floated out of the doctors office, all smiles and joyful. :)
• I prayed that God would give me a doctor who I would feel comfortable with= God gave me the sweetest doctor for my first visit--I am always a little concerned about who my doctors are, yet the doctor God provided immediately made me feel at ease. (As well as the nurses...they were so great!)
• I prayed for strength= God answered this in many ways, but specifically through friendship. I skyped with some of my dearest friends, as well as called my friend Miriam. I talked to Miriam on the 23rd (and the day before surgery #2), and Jesus caused my heart to overflow because her. I was anxious, yet as I prayed with my sweet friend, Jesus came and sat down with me. He's pretty sweet like that.
• I prayed that God would bring peace and that His hand would be evident= The morning of my surgery, God made it SNOW. :) It wasn't supposed to (that I'm aware of), but as Mom and Dad drove me in, I began praying for peace. As I prayed, there were little flakes drifting down. It was so sweet. It snowed the entire way, creating a peaceful quiet drive.
• I prayed that I would be able to enjoy Christmas eve somehow= Because I don't have feeling in part of the back of my right leg, I was not put 100% under anesthesia. This was an answer to prayer, because our family loves Christmas Eve and I wanted to be conscious for the evening. I slept a little that afternoon, but I was fully conscious for the evening. :)

Enjoying some early Christmas presents

• Continued prayer for Strength= God gave me Rachel as my sister, and she also doubles as my personal butler Reggie when I'm injured/sick. I slept downstairs on her bed for over a month while she camped out on a mattress on the floor, taking care of me. <3 I really appreciate her, and we have SO many hysterical stories of midnight madness. ;)
• I asked for help regarding bruising, poor circulation, reactions to medicine= God is a sustaining God, full of mercy and grace. He gives strength to the weary and bears us up on eagles wings. He gave us wisdom about how to battle sore spots from laying on the bed, terrible circulation (I woke up and my feet were turning purple several nights), and the medication making me feel terrible. He was a gentle hand on my head, as a father smooths the curls of the child he loves, so Jesus caressed my weary head on His chest. He also provided some smart ideas of how to help position me better, as well as some humorous scenarios. (We were desperate enough to put a blanket in the microwave for a little while--it just lead to some of them smelling like popcorn..haha!)
• The I would know Jesus had a purpose for this= I had friends that texted me almost every day (some who live out of the country), my pastor and friends who called, 4-year-olds sending "Miss Anna" coloring sheets, and complete strangers bringing my family meals. It felt like the arms of Jesus were encircling my family! I cried so many times at a timely bible verse, or a note. His purpose was that I might know Him better---that's a pretty special thing.
• I prayed for good news and if bad news, then peace= After my week after surgery checkup, I went with the anticipation of being finished with all the "not bending my leg at all", super uncomfortable stapled bandages, and sleeping in my own bed. However, I instead received the news that my next surgery was going to be on the 9th, this time, with the potential to be in the hospital for 1 week+. YET, there was joy and peace in my heart, and again I walked out with a all smiles!
• I prayed for relief of stress for my mom and myself= The week between surgeries was hands down a complete answer to prayer. I got to have my huge bulky bandage replaced for a smaller one AND was able to shower and move a bit more freely. I told my mom that this was my sanity week--God gave me a lull in the spiritual and physical storm. It was SO sweet. We laughed all week, I was animated and even baked. :)
• For the next surgery,I prayed that I would be sunshine to the medical personnel and a light to those around me throughout my stay= After I prayed that, I felt such joy and peace that I smiled the entire day we spent in the waiting room. (Originally my surgery was supposed to be at 2 (?) so I wasn't supposed to eat/drink from the night before, but it ended up being around 4?)
• I prayed that God would make our time in the waiting room fruitful and joyful= My pastor Bill and worship leader Joseph came to the hospital to pray with me in the waiting room. This was actually an incredible blessing to me, and as we just sat and chatted, God used all of our laughter and conversation to cheer my family up and bring peace even more so to my heart. (And I also hope it cheered others up as well)
• I also prayed that God would send me Christian nurses and doctors= This short little nurse came in to do surgery prep, and she was so sweet. She made sure I was completely comfortable, and as she left, she looked me straight in the eyes and said "God Bless you."
• I prayed for protection during the surgery= I apparently had a small allergy to the anesthesia, but it cleared up quickly.
• I prayed for favor with my nurses and doctors= According to my family, all the staff were thrilled with how quickly I responded and with my cheerfulness. Some of them said a few really sweet comments, which also blessed me.
• I prayed for humor and fun things= I have a load of stories. One of my favorite stories was (Since it was on my upper leg, I had to lay on my stomach.) waking up at 5:00 a.m. and adjusting my head from the left to the right. As soon as I did that BOOM there were 2 doctors standing RIGHT over me (apparently they're pretty sneaky) saying "Uh..we just wanted to let you know that your doctors will be in shortly."
• I prayed for a speedy recovery= So, the day after my surgery all of my doctors came in and said "You have a choice: You are doing so well that we feel comfortable with releasing you. So, you can go home today, or you can go home later this week." YAHOO! My mom was thrilled. :)
• This time, when I came home, I was WAY more with it and as soon as I walked up my stairs, I saw 2 huge care packages from friends in CT and in NH. There was much excitement and giggling as Jesus showered me with overwhelming love through those gifts (they were soon followed by more!)
• I prayed for answers= Although there are things I will never know this side of eternity, I was actually incredibly blown away with the fact that Jesus told me several reasons why He was allowing me to walk through this. The one I will share with you is so that I might know His tender care. He cares for His sheep. Sweetly.
  
  ~

I have more stories throughout the 3+ months it actually took for complete recovery (super bad weakness and still pain), but I do not want to completely swamp you all! ;) I do want to say this though: God took my mistake, loved me enough to allow refining and trials, and He brought me so much closer to himself through this. Because of all of this, I am at a far closer walk with the Lord--I talk to Jesus..and He replies. Just like that. Because God loves me, He took my hand and walked with me through every day when I was laying in complete vulnerability. He sat beside my bed, wiping every tear, singing over me with songs of Joy and Hope.

"The Lord is refining me as silver, my faith like gold.
He has purposed good things for me,
to satisfy my spirit and the cry of my heart.
[..] Lord, may I learn every lesson that you would teach me."
[1/14/13 Journal Entry]

Anyways, as you are all moving from Thanksgiving to Christmas prep., know that God moves and He truly and faithfully answers prayers. If you are praying about things right now and feel like you are not getting answers, KEEP PRAYING!  His name is Faithful and True. He will surely answer those who call upon His name!

In Him, 

(P.s. I counted, and I had over 100+ people praying for me and my family. Crazy! If you were one of them, thank you!)

A Cheerful Face

Some days, I just want to be grumpy. I want to walk around, looking like my body feels--tired and wilted. Sometimes I don't want to think "What Would Jesus Do?" because I know that will bring me out of my "woe is me" mentality. And to my flesh, selfishness feels good, plus grumpy sometimes seems easier than being cheerful.

~

You weren't expecting that, huh?  Well, I've been thinking about words and actions the last few days. When you feel like you have excuses--sometimes several--it is SO easy to slip into a mentality of "I'm not doing well, and I don't want to act like I am fine" OR " I need someone to comfort me". This is one area the Lord really challenges me in, especially the last year. I have been tested, re-tested and re-RE-tested (I am apparently hard headed) with issues, challenging my faith AND my heart attitude. God allowed testing through stomach issues, burns, bad hip problems, poor circulation, migraines, and now some intense back pain because He desires me to trust Him with my whole heart and not rely on my own capabilities, strength OR on others for comfort. There are times in which God has put his hand over my mouth in order to keep me from spilling my complaints to others--He wants me to run to HIM and trust HIM first. Cheerfully!

~

 As it gets closer to the 1-year marker of getting burned (which I actually am planning a blog post about that, but you can get a quick reminder here : http://cheerfulquill.blogspot.com/2013/01/annas-story.html ), one of my biggest regrets about this time was the fact that I did not keep a continual cheerful heart and keep glorifying God as much as I needed to. I was so sick of dealing with TONS of minor details in taking care of myself AND feeling physically/ spiritually exhausted, that I let my heart slip into a place of self-pity. Others may say "well, you had good reason to be" and "compared to others, you were great!", but I disagree. You see, Jesus looks at the heart. What is my heart saying when my leg is burning with pain, my feet are turning blue because of poor circulation, I haven't had time with Jesus and I have to remember to take my inhaler because of my lungs filling? I may be smiling, but what is my heart whispering? Am I praising God for life, for my family, for good care? Or am I continually asking "why me, Lord?!".

The enemy wants us to stay in selfishness and thinking about our problems, so THAT'S when we know we need to run back to Jesus quickly! So the question is HOW do we do this? How to do we cultivate a cheerful heart? I am thrilled you asked. ;)

1) Humble yourself and take a look at your sin---look at the thoughts of your heart when your parents tell you to do something, when you keep getting interrupted while working, OR when you receive an answer that you truly did NOT want. It's pretty ugly, huh?

2) Repent and ask Jesus to clean you up. Actually say "I'm sorry" to the Lord, because it's against HIM that we have sinned. Sin is not just some distant bad thing, it is actually an action against our Heavenly Father. So, saying that we are sorry and meaning it? That's really important AND very special to Jesus.

3) Ask God to help and grant you cheerfulness, despite your day-to-day scenario. It is the times when we DON'T want to think "what would Jesus really do?" that are the MOST important times for us to ask that question. When I am about to grumble in my heart (usually over-spilling from my mouth), think about the character of Jesus and would he actually refuse to help someone? Would he roll his eyes at his parents or get angry when he was interrupted? (By the way, I challenge you to look up Mark 6:34, and Matthew 14:14 in his responses to having people need him all the time). Ask Jesus to fill you with Joy!

4) Think on verses that encourage you to trust God and rejoice in him, no matter how you FEEL. Because Jeremiah 17:9 says that "The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick;". We can't trust our hearts to be our guides, despite what Disney says. Verses are one of our defenses against the enemy, because even he knows how powerful the Word of God is. Find verses special to you and memorize them!

(One of mine is "The Joy of the Lord is your strength!" (Nehemiah 8:10) )

5) SING. Sing even if you can't sing. Sing even if the dogs howl with you. :) Scripture says that praise is becoming to the upright (psalms 33:1-3). When we willing choose to sing and praise God, it gets our focus OFF ourselves and back on Jesus, our moods will change and our hearts will start to rejoice. Try it and see. ;)


So, as I am seeking to continually pursue a cheerful and joyful heart, I challenge you this week to do the same. Make a conscious effort to take every thought captive, especially the grumbling ones, and ask the Lord to forgive you and change your heart! Then start praising him!

Rejoicing in the God of My Salvation!

Obedience In Faith

So, I'm back in the Old Testament--Deuteronomy to be exact. What can I say? I really actually love it.

Yesterday and today I have been reading in the first 4 chapters, and to give you a quick summary, it is a recapping of Gods deeds for the children of Israel. If you haven't read Deuteronomy, I would actually encourage you to take a look. It is a very rich book. I was reading in the same room with my friend (who was working on an email) and I basically stopped every 3 minutes to read her a verse. *teehee*

I just get excited, ok? ;)

I was reading today of the victories God did----and I mean things GOD clearly did----through the Children of Israel. It is remarkable. If you think about it "logically", this group of people were formerly making bricks and used to doing manual labor! Yet God used them to completely wipe out cities "fortified with high walls, gates, and bars [...] and we utterly destroyed them" (Deut. 3:5,6). Just stop and think about it for a minute..............a people who were mostly builders defeating armies.

Pretty crazy,huh? 

But in all actuality, what I really have been blown away with is in chapter 1. The chapter is describing how the people of Israel moved God to anger because of their unbelief. Even after all He had fulfilled, answered, rescued, and preserved, they allowed themselves to forget his goodness. They forgot his favor, his tenderness, his mighty hand, and his victorious right arm. As a result, that entire generation was prohibited in seeing a promise fulfilled. Because they did not believe God would actually follow through in His word, they missed out on seeing yet another incredible miracle. When God sent them to scout out the land he promised that they would inherit, most of the scouts allowed their fear to creep in. They only saw (and found) reasons why they should not obey God--why it would be wise to rethink directions directly from Jehovah. 

Except 2 men.

2 men who believed God.

 And they were not forgotten by their Master.

Nope. 

And He called them out---by name.

"Not one of these men of this evil generation shall see the good land which I swore to give to your fathers except Caleb the son of Jephun'neh; he shall see it, and to him and his children I will give the land upon which he has trodden, because he has wholly followed The Lord! [...] Joshua the son of Nun,who stands before you, he shall enter; encourage him, for he shall cause Israel to inherit it."

-Deuteronomy 1:35,36,38-

My heart even now quickens at the thought of being singled out of an entire generation---to be singled out by I AM? To be chosen from a generation of faithlessness because of true belief?  The boldness that Caleb and Joshua took in seeking out the goodness of Gods commands, and how they
sought to find the joy of following Gods commands. They sought to urge the people to obedience, to pursue righteousness, and believed God despite what their peers urged them to believe.

  But, if you pause to think about it, God has given us (as followers) the same opportunity. Jesus has proved himself over and over to us, yet how quickly we forget his blessings, his favor, his protection and when he intervenes on our behalf! We have the opportunity to step out into situations where it may seem daunting or difficult--I am kind of in a situation like that currently, as a matter of fact.  Situations where God has asked us to step out in bold faith, not clearly seeing the end result, but having the opportunity to take God fully at his word! 

The question is how will we respond? 

In bold, faithful (joyful) obedience like Caleb, or will we forfeit our opportunity to see the full glory of God revealed?

~

I cannot express how much I want to be like Caleb and Joshua. To be bold, zealous for my God, and earnestly believing my Lord at His every word! All I know is that my Jesus is still working on me--I am a bit timid of heart and feeble of strength. 

Yet I trust Him.

I believe he is fully able to take this little heart, 

and make me as courageous as Caleb!

Praise God!

In Him,

Anna

In His Hands

As I write this, I am actually out of the country. Prince Edward Island, Canada to be exact (think homeland of Anne of Green Gables).

I'm not going to lie-- It is probably one of my FAVORITE places. Ever.

 Combined with some of my FAVORITE people.

Although I would love to post photos, making you want to pack your bags immediately and join me, I just wanted to share something before I get too far ahead of myself. ;)

First off, I'd like to introduce you to Hope. 

She has an "AWWWW" Rating of a Billion.

We were hanging out today (voluntary babysitting) and...it's kind of crazy what you can learn from looking at a baby. But as we were sitting quietly in a big comfy chair, I started thinking about Jesus (Pretty random thought, huh? ;) ). I started thinking about being in the safety and security of His arms, and the comfort of His hands. I love thinking about the hands of Jesus. The skilled, strong hands of a carpenter--but gentle enough that  children would never hesitate to run to Him. While I was thinking, Little Hope started whimpering and her little teensy lip turned down in a determined frown. As I gently patted her chest and just started to whisper gently in her ear, her face turned completely peaceful and she settled down to continue snoozing. 

I feel like this picture is the exact same with Jesus. Even when I rest in His arms, I can forget He's holding me OR life circumstances may happen, which cause me to suddenly be overwhelmed with fear. Yet, Jesus has SUCH incredible compassion on us. He knows our frame and "as a father pities His children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him" (Psalm 103:13). He loves to comfort us when we run to Him. As we run to Him, as we cast our cares upon Him, he takes them upon himself and begins to quiet us with his promises. I love to run to Jesus.

Yesterday, as I was sitting on a rock facing the ocean, Jesus came and sat down beside me. My heart was quickened to the nearness of Christ, and then stilled by the peace of His presence. When we run to Jesus, we are able to feel the sweetest, gentlest hand of Jesus, gently placing his hand on our hearts--filling our spirit with the quietness of God. Just like baby Hope knows true security, I know when my Prince of Peace is near. To me, He is Emmanuel--God with us.

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