Turn the 'What If' to 'Even If'

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wrestling with anxiety even more these days. From world news to personal situations in my own life, the temptation to grow discouraged is quite real. My mind so easily can slip into a place of worry. I follow the spiral of the what ifs. "What if" this doesn't work out? "What if" things get worse? "What if" this person gets sick? "What if" I can't figure things out?

What if. Our minds can spin into a place of despair as we search for control in the midst of the unknowns. I was convicted by my own need for control when I listened to a sermon on the book of Daniel. The pastor sharing spoke about how we, as believers, need to change our vocabulary. In a world paralyzed by fear from the what if, we need to walk forward in faith. Brothers and sisters, we have to go from what if to even if. 

Even if chaos surrounds us, even if we are faced with uncertainty and presented with opportunity to give into fear—we have a hope and an anchor beyond the veil. Beyond the things we can see right now in this (temporary) world. His name is Jesus.

He was persecuted. He was rejected. He was crucified. He died SO we might live. SO that we might be reconciled with God. SO that we might have hope and a tested truth to cling to. SO we might have freedom from sin—from lust, gossip, idolatry, coveting, immoral behavior, murder, and more. SO we can have peace—peace that isn’t determined by everything going “ideally” in our lives.

So. How do we do this? How do we go from fear of what if to the facing of our even ifs.

1) Cling tightly to scripture and I mean CLING to it. Hold fast to “the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Heb.‬ ‭10:23‬ ). If you are looking to the news or to some person to give you "peace" or assurance, you are constantly going to be filled with anxiety. We have to get into the Word. It is not an option. We have to know the Truth. We have to know Who our God is and who we are in light of that. 

2) Pray. Shut off your phone. Stop scrolling. Talk to the One who sees the nations as a drop in a bucket. Seek His face. Find your rest and strength from Him. Tell Him what you are concerned about and let Him carry it.

3) Stand in truth. “God has not given us a spirit of timidity (some versions say cowardice), but of power and love and discipline (a sound mind)” (2 Tim. ‭1:7‬). Because He lives, we can face tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. Stand in belief that you are going to be cared for, that all your needs will be provided. Believe God and take Him at His word.

“What if’s” may happen. They may not. But *even if* they do, God is still on the throne. We know the ending.

We don’t get “fear not” 100% right every single day; but we can choose in moments of panic or chaos to look to Jesus. Look past the “freak out” moments that we are faced with. Look past opinions. Look past fear. Fix your eyes on Him. Scripture says to “seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually” (1 Chron.‬ ‭16:11‬). He has not left you alone.

Now You Shall See...

It is incredible to me how I can read the same passage of scripture over and over--yet it is always new. I feel like the Holy Spirit is quickening new things to me or God teaching me more about my humanity and His power every single time I open the cover of His word. 

I have been working through a Bible plan and recently found myself in Numbers 11. In this chapter, we find the Israelites complaining and weeping over all the things the had lost because they were following Moses around in the wilderness. They longed for the things they knew from their past. They were lamenting over the foods they were provided with in Egypt--meats and fresh vegetables in particular. It got to a point (and remember that there were COUNTLESS Israelites by now) that the Lord grew incredibly frustrated with them. To be honest, I get frustrated just reading about it!

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It grew to be so intense and such a weight that Moses asks the Lord to kill him because “(he) alone (was) not able to carry all the people, because it is too burdensome for (him)” (N. 11:14). He was extremely clear in his communication with the Lord. "Why have you been so hard on your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all this people on me?" (Numbers 11:11). He believed that it would be better to cease from existing than bear the weight of an entire nation on his shoulders. Truthfully, I can't blame him. To have hundreds of thousands of people looking to you for every need or to answer every question would be completely overwhelming. I find myself at a loss in trying to help care for the needs of the people around me. I cannot imagine the weight of Moses' burden. 

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But, the interesting thing about this chapter is the back and forth between God and Moses. I always find it interesting the dialogues and interactions recorded between the Creator and the created. But in this particular chapter, it is a series of events where the people complain, God grows angry, Moses grows frustrated and wants to quit. But right as Moses comes to the end of his rope, when there is no way forward, God MOVES. Instead of removing Moses from authority, God told Moses to gather 70 men around him and to "have them take their stand there with you" in the tent of meeting (11:16). "Then I will com down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit who is upon you, and will put HIM upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you will not bear it all alone" (Numbers 11:17). 

He then told Moses to tell the people that he would satisfy their cries for the physical satisfaction until "it comes loathsome to you because you have rejected the Lord who is among you and have wept before Him, saying "Why did we ever leave Egypt?" (11:20). They craved for the things of the past even though He was satisfying their needs and had made His dwelling place in their midst. He was providing every single day, yet they craved the past. 

Yet God responds with a profound statement. 

“Is the Lord’s power limited? NOW you shall see whether 

My word will come true for you or not” (Numbers 11:23).

Instead of removing Moses from the place he was set, God raised up people around Moses and poured out His Spirit on them. Instead of allowing Moses to hide or run, He provided a way forward despite what seemed impossible. This calls to us in examining our own lives. Is the Lords power limited” in today? Scripture is called the Word of God because God cannot lie—therefore it is THE Truth. Do we keep looking to the “logical outcome” of situations when God is saying “Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not” (v23)? Do we search scripture for what He says and then TAKE Him at His Word? 

So what are you running from today? What weight are you carrying today that seems as if the burden will crush you? What do you keep trying to give back to God because it's painful and He seems to be letting you hold it longer? How often do we find ourselves overwhelmed by the lack of resources, our own abilities, the weight of responsibilities, or even just LIFE? Moses response was “please kill me at once”. We may wish for this portion to be taken away, this season, this weight, this “thorn in the flesh”—we want it gone *NOW*. We want to run away as quick and as hard as we can. But what if we choose take Him at His word? His power is not limited. Go into a quite place and seek His face, just as Moses cried out. Search His unshaken, immovable, tested and proven true Words. Find the promises of God in scripture and take Him at His Word. THIS is how we strengthen our faith. We believe His Word and submit to His purposes—even if it includes trials—because we trust HIM. So in your place of frustration or weakness, look for His hand to provide a way *forward*. His power is not limited, nor His hand too short to save. 

All Things New

I have started about 15 blog posts since December (or whenever it was that I last sat down and wrote something). As a friend reminded me, it's been a while since I put something up in my own corner of the world. Now here we are having landed in April. New seasons of life, new struggles, new joys, new opprotunites to grow. I've been doing what I do best--keeping busy! Working, taking a few classes at TFC, baking, Bible Studies, crying out to the Lord for healing in some health issues, adventures, making trips down to Southern Virginia to keep up with my Grandma, and continuing to pray for the Lord's direction in my life. Like I said....typical Dumaresq schedule. ;)

I'll share a few highlights, considering it has been a while since you have heard from me:

 March 4 Life in Washington D.C. with our Church Family (CrossLife Community Church)

Afternoon Adventures

Holding Babies in parking lots (Abbie Brocke) and quick visits with Rachel <3

Farmer's Markets and new adventures!

Spring snuck up on me...not that I'm complaining... <3

 Annnnnnd...somehow...my birthday (and my mom's) also snuck up on me...*hello 24*!

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As I have mentioned, I've been pretty quiet since December. Part of that reason is that I get frustrated with myself because I so want something encouraging and hopeful to share. I want to shine my own little "light" with those who happen to read my posts. However, another part to the quietness is that the Lord told me in January that it is time for something new. Something deeper. Something needed. Something that I would need to be still and quiet for. The Lord told me that it's time to let Him touch some places in my heart which I had kept tightly bound up because I didn't know what to do with them. I am an internal processor. I stuff things down inside like a tissue box....and...apparently...a heart should only stuff so much!  I don't know exactly how much I'll share here, but I will say that a person will never realize what they carry within the little corners of their heart until the Light of Christ is shown fully in those places. I realized that I have been carrying some burdens which are not mine to bear, ignoring hurts instead of forgiving (which is an interesting thing to realize!), and trying to make everything better for those around me. But, Jesus asked me to sit still and let Him work. It is time to let HIM work instead of my feeble attempts to "always make everything better". And so....I am sitting still. :) 

Also, if you wouldn't mind praying for me, I would really appreciate it. I have had a lot of health issues over the last 10 years and I'm frequently in a lot of abdominal pain. The last month or so, it seems that I have developed stomach ulcers which...are really really painful (this is an educated guess from my doctor without any internal scope tests being done). I sometimes go to bed at night doubled up in pain and eating has been difficult. Anyways. I feel like the Lord has been also prompting me to be more vocal about what I'm struggling with because we are the Body of Christ....and I could use wisdom and prayer. :)

I have a few things on my heart which I'll be posting soon, but I just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm still alive! ;) Until then, I'll leave you with this encouraging verse from Isaiah. 

"The LORD will guide you always; 

He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.

 You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." 

|  Isaiah 58:11 |

 May the Lord bless you, and I'll talk to you again soon!

In the arms of Jesus, 

Hunting for "Christmas Spirit"

Merry Christmas Eve! I don't know if you are anything like me, but I had to look back on this year with wide eyes. This year has been HARD, y'all. So many things have happened for our family--job hunting, health issues, working on relationships, school, volunteering, deaths, beginning new friendships...I actually can't believe it is Christmas already. 

 Truth be told, entering Christmas season was challenging for our family. Not to mention coming right off of the...uh...swarm of election emotions. Honestly, there were a few times I cringed when I thought about Christmas approaching. NOT because I wasn't excited to celebrate Christ, but because I was looking around as people were backbiting, tearing one another down, and "unfriending"--all the while preparing to sing about "goodwill toward men" and "peace on earth"....I really didn't want to "pretend", because it didn't make SENSE. It wasn't the truth. At one point, we were so out of sorts that three of us girls were driving (being really goofy) around the Costco parking lot "hunting for the Christmas Spirit". Needless to say, we couldn't "find" it and were left laughing (and a bit dizzy!). ;)

Still, in the back of my mind this month, I've been wrestling with these questions.

Lord, how can we truly have peace when there IS no peace in our world? How can I show others the Hope I've found when even I'M struggling to have Hope? How can we cling to Joy when people have no joy? How can we rest in Your arms when it feels like we're drowning in the chaos, pride and fear of man? How can we celebrate Your birth when we are wrestling with such discouragement? How do we, as believers, show "the Christmas Spirit" of Joy?

And one of the most reassuring, awesome things I have learned about God as my Father is the fact that He CAN handle our tough questions. He can handle us. :)

I was really praying and crying out to the Lord for help, when He oh so sweetly reminded me of the Truth. The Truth is that despite how we feel right now--we CAN sing about the birth of a Baby, we CAN rejoice in the coming of a Child, we CAN celebrate this small form because He didn't STAY a baby. For His birth wasn't ONLY the miracle of a new life; it was the beginning of a craved Hope. He IS the Messiah. OUR Messiah. HE IS the long awaited Christ. OUR long-awaited Christ. HE IS the one in whom "nations would (and CAN) place their HOPE" (Matthew 12:21). He is the One in whom WE can place our hope. In HIM is forgiveness of sins (Col. 1:14). In fact, He came TO save us from our sins--pride, fear, lust, greed, jealousy, lewdness, bitterness, adultery, witchcraft, and every thing that stands in opposition to a Holy, pure God (Matthew 1:21). He came to bear our burdens (Ps. 69:19). He IS our all in all...in the tiniest, most unassuming gift wrapping. A little, innocent child.

That's just like Christ. Humble. Unassuming. Yet SO powerful, SO true, SO unwavering, SO trustworthy, SO incredible. So very pure.

Tonight as you prepare to celebrate Jesus tomorrow and if you are finding your "Christmas spirit" lacking, just remember this. We don't just celebrate a birthday. We celebrate the birth of Hope. We celebrate the gates of Heaven being opened up to us in a NEW, glorious Way. He IS the promise of eternal life (Romans 6:23). He IS the Redeemer through whom we have been adopted as Children of God--inheritors of a Kingdom of Light (Gal 4:4-5). We celebrate the One who IS Himself JOY. We celebrate the One who IS our Peace, because no one can take Him away from us (Romans 8:31-39), Through Him, we can be freed from our burdens, our fears and our sins. Through one small bundle, so very long ago.

And in THAT, my friends, is every single reason to rest, rejoice and WORSHIP. No matter what, no matter where.

Rejoicing in Him!

In Case You Forget

In case you need a reminder--a little seed of encouragement: don't give up. Don't hang your head in despair. Do not be afraid of what the future holds (even with the upcoming elections..aheh...). Don't be timid about the unknowns of tomorrow.

You are NOT alone. You have not been left in this world to fend for yourself. You are upheld, little one, in the arms of Christ--the sweetest, safest place to ever seek refuge. He is your Shepherd (Ps. 23), your Deliverer (Ps. 18:2), a husband to the widow (Is. 54:4), and a tower of Refuge. He is your safe place.

NO matter tomorrow, no matter next week, next month or next year: He will hold you fast (Isaiah 41:13). Jesus Christ will carry you through. He will carry you through this trial, this heartbreak, this illness, this death in the family, this period in History--this very day. In Him is no deceit, no lies, no shadow of turning (James 1:17). HE is your beacon of Light amidst darkness. He is your calm within the chaos. He is your peace in the middle of turmoil. CHOOSE to set your Faith within the hands that were stretched out upon a cross for you. Even when you did not know Him...He knew of you. He knows you. He knows your situation. He knows your needs. He knows the cry of your heart. What He sets before you, He will bring you through. He will bring you through your Red Sea--however seemingly impossible.

In case you forget, amidst your topsy turvey life: Jesus wins. Trust Him. Rest in Him. Let your heart find HOPE in His name. He who promises is Faithful (Hebrews 10:23). He will not fail, for He never has.

In Him,

Nearer to Thee

If you follow any of my social media, you would have seen several photos yesterday of baking activities and our sweet country road. What you may NOT know is that--yesterday, I woke up in a funk. I felt like the recipient of the losing side in a game of chicken with a Steam-engine. I couldn't put my finger on why I felt "off". I was exhausted. You should have been here to see my bedhead (...uh..on second thought, maybe not...). In addition to this stunner of a situation, I was informed yesterday that a 20$ inspection turned into replacing several parts on my faithful Ford. *gulp* Technically wasn't THAT much money, but in the thundercloud mood, the thought of having to be careful for a little while with my already slim wallet was a bit overwhelming. I let worry creep in and have a seat within my heart.

It was just one of *those* days.  One where not even my bread rising perfectly, the pitterpatter of rain drops, 12 golden finches bustling about, nor my free donut could pull me out of my little thundercloud. 

(And believe me--if you are a baker and your cinnamon bread rising perfectly doesn't make some part of your heart pitterpatter--you may need to get evaluated)

I was quite downcast all throughout the afternoon. At least, I was until I pulled over for the School Bus.

~

We live on a dirt road (off of a dirt road), which makes it QUITE interesting for two vehicles to attempt to pass one another. I was leisurely puttering my way home when I spotted the white roof of the Bus through the foliage. yikes. As I sped up to pull off into a drive way, the Bus driver passed me, waving an enthusiastic "THANK YOU!!". Letting her pass, I sat staring at the field beside me...and I spotted this.

~

No, Jesus didn't suddenly appear in physical form...but He sent me the simplest reminder in a way which I would understand. He sent me Sunshine. Sunshine through tiny petals on a carpet of vibrant grass. He sent me one of my favorite Hymns "Nearer My God To Thee" at the exact same time I spotted the flowers. He suddenly filled my car with His presence, all while I was waiting for a huge yellow Bus to pass. The Holy Spirit gently prompted me to remember. Christ has called us to so much more than a "good life". He has called us Children. He has redeemed us. He has saved us. He calls us to pick up our Cross--those things which kill the flesh--and to follow after Him. Follow the boldest, most humble man to ever walk on the face of the earth. A man who was 100% human and 100% God. No matter the day or the mood, He is looking for those who will set aside their emotions and cling to the Joy which is found in Christ. The Joy of the Lord is our strength (Neh. 8:10). He loves when we turn our eyes away from our "Goliaths" and confidently say "I trust you Jesus!". He has called us to remember--and to kick Worry to the curb. For if we really look back and remember, we will see that He has never forsaken us. He has never left us alone. We are held gently within the safest arms, for HE holds ALL things in the palm of His hands. Friend, look out your window at His handiwork. Look how He cares for the forests--they faithfully change every season. They don't ever get "stuck" in a season. They are being vibrantly draped in breathtaking colors, with petals covering the mountainside. Remember to lift your face up. For Jesus--our King, our LIGHT, our LIFE--He is near, and drawing US nearer still.

"Nearer My God To Thee"

 Nearer, my God, to thee,
Nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross
That raiseth me.
Still all my song shall be

(Chorus)
Nearer, my God, to thee,
Nearer, my God, to thee,
Nearer to thee!

 Though like the wanderer,
The sun gone down,
Darkness be over me,
My rest a stone,
Yet in my dreams I'd be

There let the way appear,
Steps unto heav'n;
All that thou sendest me,
In mercy giv'n;
Angels to beckon me

Then with my waking thoughts
Bright with thy praise,
Out of my stony griefs
Bethel I'll raise;
So by my woes to be

Or if, on joyful wing
Cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon, and stars forgot,
Upward I fly,
Still all my song shall be

 So, today, whether you are fighting the "blues" OR clinging to that joy--take sweet comfort in the God who still speaks in the quietness of a Ford Escape. Set apart some time today to be with Him. Our Savior who is just, but also full of new compassion towards us every single day. A God who is Emmanuel. He is here with us. He is drawing us nearer to Himself, for that is the very best, safest, most peaceful place we could ever be. Near to the heart of God!

In Him, 

"But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works." /// Psalm 73:28

To the Waiting One...

No matter the season of Life, we are all waiting. We wait for "the right one" to come along. We wait for a tiny bundle of Joy. We wait for resolution to come in strained marriages. We wait for doors to open. We wait for a wayward child to come home. We wait for news from a doctor. We wait for God to move. We wait for doors to shut. We wait for true confirmation. We wait for out next assignment from the Lord. We wait for earnest prayers to be answered.

Just...waiting. We sit and wait. And we hope.

---

I don't often quote longer poems or things because..well, I just don't. BUT, a few days ago, I was settled in for a good little "soul-refreshment" from my Streams in the Desert Devotional. Alongside "My Utmost for His Highest", this little blue book has fast become one of my favorite devotionals (side note, it was edited by the SAME editor as the updated "My Utmost[...]" Devotional). I was reading, not even THINKING about anything in particular, when the author shared this simple verse with his readers:

Sit still, my Children! Just sit calmly still!

Nor deem these days--these waiting days--as ill!

The One who loves you best, who plans your way, 

Has not forgotten your great need today!

And, IF He waits, it's sure He waits to prove

To YOU, His tender child, His heart's deep love.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!

You greatly long to know your dear Lord's will!

While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way

Corrodingly within, because of His delay---

Persuade yourself in simple FAITH to rest

That HE, who knows and loves, will do the best.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!

Nor move one step, not even one, until

His way has opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!

How glad your heart, and then how swift your feet, 

Your inner being then, ah THEN, how strong!

And waiting days not counted then too long!

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still! 

What higher service could you, for Him, fill?!

It's hard! ah, YES! But choicest things must cost!

For lack of losing all, how much is lost!

It's hard, it is true! But then--He gives you GRACE

To count the hardest spot the sweetest place,

~J. D. Smith

How sweet and true are these simple words. As we wade through our season of singleness, brokenness, uncertainty, or even just seeking His will for a next step in life-- "sit still, just sit calmly still". For the Lord YOUR God has not forgotten YOU. The next step, the next path, the next breakthrough in prayer, the next assignment, the next season is held securely in His hands. Believe in Him. Have Faith in His character. Continue to press forward in Prayer and earnestly seeking the face of Jesus. Praise God for what He will do. Remind your heart of all that God has done. Why would He suddenly leave you now? Remind Him (and yourself!) of His promises. He cannot lie, and in Him is found no (zilch) deceit (1 Peter 2:22). Find JOY--the kind where it is not emotion or conditional based--in what God is doing right now. Rejoice!! Sing! For in every season, He is growing us. He is stretching us. He is shaping us into soldiers of Christ, where we obey and follow--even if we may not see the point. But above all, He is giving us the beautiful opportunity to Trust in Him.

So, dear one, just sit still. Sit calmly still...and Trust.


"Faithful is He who calls you..." ~1 Thessalonians 5:24

In Him,

With A Thrill Of Hope

Although my posting infrequency would appear otherwise, Anna is still alive! Crazy, I know.

Funny how life drifts slowly by--whether we are rowing on top of or swimming "in the midst of" the day to day tasks. For the Dumaresq household, the Summer months held week of excitement. After watching Aimee graduate in May, my weeks were full of weddings, house sitting, traveling and seeing my "godchildren" Levi & Bayley Anna.

Excitement, but also--for some reason--Summer is one of the most difficult seasons for me. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but it just has proven to be a challenging time of year. It is as if I just feel the heat--physical summer heat, but also that spiritual furnace of refinement--quite keenly. I believe it also ties in with the humorous way we always tell God "Okay, I finished that lesson. A+. NEXT". Which, of course, He kind of chuckles to Himself (in His sweet-Father way) and says "Oh dear Child, you have just begun."

That being said, I am learning to approach Summer as one going into a hand-to-hand combat training arena. One of those "training areas" He has been working on is control. Well, shall I say my need for control. I am an observer. A thinker. I can be quite loud (hey, I'm a Dumaresq, okay?!), but I really like to be quiet. To watch. To gather information. All inside my own little controlled world. I freak out when the outcome to a situation is REALLY different than my (numerous) possible outcomes.

So, with all that in mind, life felt the complete opposite of everything listed above. Everything felt OUT of control. 

A small example was the (sudden) loss of a dearly respected gentlemen. I have often traveled with his wife as her mobile "administrative assistant". Watching those last days unfold was one of the most painful things my heart has walked through. It was quite sudden, for me at least, because I only had known that the cancer was back. I had no idea how quickly that horrid disease would spread.

 Then one night, I was listening to a few new songs I had acquired, when "It Is Not Death To Die" by Sovereign Grace began to play. I burst into tears. I can't explain it, but the Holy Spirit quietly told me that this beloved gentleman would pass within the week. 

The next morning, I received a text from my friend, telling me her husband was on the brink of Eternity. She asked me to prepare for coming to Tennessee when her husband passed. 

But I already knew.

As I packed my bags, I had to ask God some really hard questions. I felt Spiritually barren (not producing Spiritual Fruit), I had several friends struggling because of dear relatives going through cancer (and I was unsure of how to comfort), I had relationships that I was unsure of how to handle, I was struggling with that wretched thief "comparison", I felt a deep loneliness as I watched friends enter into joyful new seasons--and NOW I had to go empty myself again as a family I loved grieved the loss of a true gentleman.

IT WAS HARD. Really really hard. 

"God, I don't understand this. At ALL. Where are you? How do I do this?"

~

In every season, we need Jesus.  But, in this summer where I felt like my feet were burning with the heat of the refinement furnace, I needed Jesus in a way I have not experienced thus far in my 22 years. It was like He allowed my heart to be stripped of the things that I could possibly control--including being able to depend on myself--and sat quietly beside me. Waiting for me to let Him open up my white knuckled grasp and take my confidence in myself out of my little hands. It really hurt. I felt like He was asking me to give up something, even when I couldn't see what He was giving me in return. It felt unfair. I felt selfish, and I hated the selfishness that reared it's ugly head in my heart. 

Beautiful, cool, sweet Fall. A balm to the thirsty soul is the cool, a reminder of what it feels like to dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. 

A week or so into the change of season, I paused briefly to survey the changes brought by summer. I turned to see what Jesus had been doing while I was walking quietly behind Him. I turned...and I saw HIM. Jesus WAS there. Walking beside me in my furnace.

Quiet. Still. But oh, SO present.

And all those times when I felt like He was withholding--He drained those holding places in order to REPLACE them with HIS choice of refreshment. HIS Living Water.

He replaced my "good" with His "best". He replaced it with HIMSELF.

I had no one to really share my grief in having a gentleman I so respected pass away, so JESUS shared my grief. My sweet Jesus under-girded me with strength as I cooked, cleaned and prayed to be a sweet presence of peace as I remained the week following the funeral to help the family. 

On the days where I felt like a tiny floating cloud--of no consequence and no destination in mind--He became my anchor. He brought me sermon after sermon to listen to while at work, watering my spirit with TRUTH. He sent me letters via His sweet daughters. He sent me coffee dates and much needed texts at just the right time. He gave me hugs. He gave me strength. (P.s. You need to look up Eric Ludy and listen to some of his sermons. Just saying.)

On the days of loneliness, He gave me the balm of companionship in unlikely friends. He opened doors for fellowship with other believers--working in peace and unity, despite denominations (can I just say that if you live in the C'ville area and want to know what's going on in the Mission field--you really need to visit Advancing Native Missions "Community Bible Study" on Thursday Mornings?!). His spirit has NOT forsaken His people. His Spirit has not forsake ME. Nor has it forsaken YOU. In every single day--every single season--He gives us Himself.

~

Then it was as if something "clicked". It was as if the desire for control I grappled with--the "peace" I tried to conjure up for myself as I "clenched" onto my will--vanished as a mist. As soon as it did, one of the most beautiful things happened. JOY awakened. Like a long lost friend, TRUE Joy tapped me on the shoulder. Joy--that is not affected nor swayed by emotions or outcomes--was back. I haven't felt THAT Joy in a very long time. 

I fight tears as I type these words. Because life is hard. It's HARD. There are so many things we CAN'T control. We can't control other people--their reactions, their perception on situations, their feelings--just like we can't control the path of a hurricane. We can't control death. We can't control sickness. We have limited "control" of situations.

But. That's okay. We don't need to. 

For we are called "Friend" by the One who calms stormy seas with a word, who speaks peace to the inner rooms of our hearts, the One who "carries [us] close to His heart". He places His hand on our little head, lifting our gaze towards His dear face! He is a Mighty, Victorious Warrior--PURE in heart, free from Manipulation or Self-pity. He is not just a "good person"...He is GOOD.

Jesus is more than enough.

He isn't dead. He isn't deaf. He is NOT apathetic. His reasons for allowing, removing, or withholding something aren't out of a heart of which delights in affliction. On the contrary, "every single thing that God does comes from a heart full of love and concern" (Eric Ludy).  His answers to our prayer--be it yes or no--is FULL of Love. An unconditional, sacrificial Love. If you feel like He has been quiet, remember that His quietness is an opportunity for YOU to quiet yourself. Listen. Draw close.

~

So now, as the coolness of Fall gives way into Winter, let us run forth with Joy! Enter Advent with a quiet Thanksgiving, a confident Trust. As we remember His birth, remember that He was born FOR our Salvation--our freedom from Sin and the ability to walk in Righteousness. He came so that we might be set free from burdens. He was made humble so that He might teach us Humility and TRUST in His Father. He was born so that we might have HOPE. He was born pure so that we might become pure. We CAN'T make ourselves pure, no matter how much "good" we do. The only Way, the only Truth and the only Light (in a world of increasing darkness) has come! He is Jesus. He is big enough. He is strong enough to carry our burdens. He is Emmanuel. He is God with us! Hallelujah!


With a "Thrill of Hope",

Oft' I'm Tempted

Oft I'm tempted to doubt Thee, Lord

To doubt all Thou hast planned, 

To shy away from Thy "unseen" care, 

To dodge Thy teaching hand. 

Oft I'm tempted to accuse Thee, Lord

When my own will is crossed, 

Or even to point a finger full of blame, 

And dwell upon what was lost. 

But oftn'er still--in sweet solitude, 

So moved my own heart shall be

Remembering Thy Mercy, Grace unreserved!

Thy Quiet, Steady Strength--and such Blessed Peace!

For in these days of testing, forward shall I press,

Oh ne'er again to doubt Thee!

Setting fast and fixed, my "gaze as flint",

Til' across Eternity's threshold, Thy tender hand shall lead me.

(c) Anna D. 2015

Overcoming Jealousy

(Image source:Google)

"Wow. I wish I was as cute as she is....", "Why do they have so much money? And why do they go out and buy 13 new shirts? I wouldn't do that if I had half as much money as they do", "Why do they have so many friends and I'm stuck at home?", "Why do they get to go there?", "Why did I get all the horrible genes in my family? My friends can eat whatever they want and still look fabulous?", "Why didn't you bless me as much as you did them, God? You are always doing things for them", ....."Why doesn't God love me as much as He loves them?"

Over and over, the questions bombard us. Despite the gender. Despite the age. There will always be someone, somewhere with something that we desire. Attractiveness. More money to do "fun" things. Freedom. Companionship. Less responsibility. Even the way in which God seems to love them more. I mean, He must love them more because their life is great. Right....?

Jealousy is one of the hardest, sneakiest, and most destructive things to a human soul. It creeps into our minds at unsuspecting times, comfortably making itself at home.

I have found that it does 4 things:

1) Jealousy causes me to realize what others have
2) Jealousy causes me to realize what I don't have
3) Jealousy causes me to question the why I can't have what they have
4) Jealousy causes me to question God's character
(because obviously He loves that person more than me...right?)

I have struggled with jealousy in my own heart. Through these past few years, as life looks a little different than I had imagined for myself, I have repeatedly come face to face with my flesh rearing its ugly head. Mind you, it is ugly. The truth is, I don't like to be left out of things. I don't like to be "left behind" as others move through exciting new stages of life. I don't like staying at home while my friends get to go off on adventures. I get lonely. I don't have a swarm of friends waiting for me to have a day off so we can go do fun things. *begin mournful background music* ....that sounds pretty pitiful, huh? :)

A few years ago, my sister and I had a mutual friend with whom we were very close. We both loved this girl to bits, cherishing each moment we had with her. However, because we are competitive (unconsciously), jealousy crept into the picture. If this friend had a deep talk with one of us, immediately the other would feel left out. That sister would want to have a chance to talk with this friend, too. On and on and on and on. We were jealous of the affection we saw being bestowed on each other.

One day, as I was thinking about the situation, I realized how wrong my attitude was becoming. How ungodly is it to covet a blessing being bestowed on another person? Jesus showed me how I was damaging my relationship with my sister, and also on this friend. It was causing a strain in our three-some, putting pressure on our friend to continually "balance" her time. As I repented, I asked the Holy Spirit to purge out the spirit of Jealousy and to show me how to actually run from Jealousy. I am so glad to report that correcting my own heart attitude has helped so much. For the last few years, the three of us have been able to have a sweet fellowship and my jealousy towards my sister (or her time with this friend) is no where to be found. So, Anna, if I struggle with jealousy, how do I combat it?

Well, I'm glad you asked! ;)

1) Realize Your Jealousy is Wrong
As uncomfortable as it is, jealousy is jealousy. Calling it by any other name doesn't change the fact that it leads us to doing wrong--whether in our outward treatment of others or even sinning in our own hearts. When we begin to treat others differently, growing more agitated or looking for ways to have people feel sorry for us (which is self-pity). Jealousy provokes us into believing that others owe us something--attention, sympathy, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how destructive this is in relationships. Not only destructive, is simply a wrong attitude to have towards our Brothers and Sisters in Christ! If we are supposed to love those who speak ill of us and talk about us behind our backs, how much more are we supposed to love those who are in our day-to-day lives!

2) Repent
Frequently in our culture, a "solution" to problems we face often leaves out repentance. Repenting simply means to actually feel remorse about what you did (or the thoughts in your heart)...actually being sorry. When we are discontent with what the Lord has given to us and linger on that dissatisfaction, we are actually kind of informing Him that He doesn't actually know what we need--or that He shows favoritism. Neither of which are anything near the truth. "The Father knows what you need before you ask Him" is truth (Matthew 6:8). When we dwell upon what He has given to others, we challenge Him that He is a good Father and often turn to blaming Him for not giving us those "good gifts". It breaks my heart to think of all the times I have grieved the Lord by pointing out to Him "His lack of goodness to me" by seeing fit to give me a small circle of friends (most of which are out of state). The only way we can truly have victory (in any area!) is by repenting.


3) Praise God For What You Do Have
What on earth am I supposed to praise the Lord for when I am watching others live a life with perks? Good question. For starters, do you have ears? Can you hear a worship song? Do you have eyes? Can you see the colors in a sunset? Can you see the wildflowers dancing in the sunshine as you drive by?Do you have the ability to read? Are you able to sing (even off key)? Praise Him that He has given you the ability to breathe! When I'm struggling intensely or overwhelmed, sometimes it's the simplest of prayers that get my mind back where it should be--on Jesus. You can't imagine the power that comes when we turn our thoughts toward Jesus. The devil knows that when we take our eyes off of our Savior--and turned toward ourselves--that is when we stumble and doubt Jesus (think Peter sinking when he tried to walk on water). By taking our eyes off of "all the things I'm missing out on" and redirect them to the Lord, we realize what He has given us. He has allowed us to be in relationship with Him! We have daily chats with the Creator of the Universe. What other religion has actual communion with a God who wants us to know His love, but also to share His love with people who need it? A God of compassion, a Warrior who never fails to come through on His promises, a God of Music and laughter, a God who does not forget the orphans and widows, who promises that the proud will be humbled and the humbled will be exalted. If that doesn't get you started on praising the Lord, email me because I could give you a few more! ;)

4) Pray For That Person/Situation
This is awesome--and can be difficult to put into practice. However, I have learned that it is almost impossible for me to stay jealous or angry at someone when you pray for them. Try it. Not just a mamby-pamby "God bless such-an-such". If you are jealous of a friendship, pray for those people. Ask the Lord to bless their friendship, pray that each of them would be strengthened and encouraged. Thank the Lord that He brought forth a friendship for them...and ask the Lord to be close to you as you feel lonely. Ask Him to open your eyes to anyone who may need a friend. Again, this is one of the best ways to help me redirect my thoughts towards Christ. Pray for those people. If you are struggling with not feeling as pretty as someone else, ask the Lord to draw them to Himself in a close friendship. Pray. Pray. Pray. When you're done, and if you're still feeling icko...pray some more! :)

Don't get me wrong--this is not "Anna's Quick Fix to Jealousy in Just 4 Easy Steps!". I still combat jealousy. The question is, what do we do with it when we find it in our hearts? The further I walk with the Lord, the more He is showing me how to let Him weed out the things in my heart that are causing me to stumble. I am growing to be disgusted whenever I find jealousy in my own heart...and I know that realization is a gift from the Lord. When we are disgusted with something, we want to put that thing far from us. I want to put jealousy far from myself. In fact, I want to hightail it away from jealousy faster than you can shake a stick at me. Whatever that means. **snickers**

Anyways, I hope this will challenge and encourage you! Remember that "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13). He can help you overcome. Keep looking to Him. He has never failed His children. :)

With Love, 

P.S. I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, ask a question, or just someone to pray for you as you are working through your relationship with the Lord--I would love to hear from you. 

"Comparison is the Thief of Joy." ~ Theodore Rosevelt