Turn the 'What If' to 'Even If'

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wrestling with anxiety even more these days. From world news to personal situations in my own life, the temptation to grow discouraged is quite real. My mind so easily can slip into a place of worry. I follow the spiral of the what ifs. "What if" this doesn't work out? "What if" things get worse? "What if" this person gets sick? "What if" I can't figure things out?

What if. Our minds can spin into a place of despair as we search for control in the midst of the unknowns. I was convicted by my own need for control when I listened to a sermon on the book of Daniel. The pastor sharing spoke about how we, as believers, need to change our vocabulary. In a world paralyzed by fear from the what if, we need to walk forward in faith. Brothers and sisters, we have to go from what if to even if. 

Even if chaos surrounds us, even if we are faced with uncertainty and presented with opportunity to give into fear—we have a hope and an anchor beyond the veil. Beyond the things we can see right now in this (temporary) world. His name is Jesus.

He was persecuted. He was rejected. He was crucified. He died SO we might live. SO that we might be reconciled with God. SO that we might have hope and a tested truth to cling to. SO we might have freedom from sin—from lust, gossip, idolatry, coveting, immoral behavior, murder, and more. SO we can have peace—peace that isn’t determined by everything going “ideally” in our lives.

So. How do we do this? How do we go from fear of what if to the facing of our even ifs.

1) Cling tightly to scripture and I mean CLING to it. Hold fast to “the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Heb.‬ ‭10:23‬ ). If you are looking to the news or to some person to give you "peace" or assurance, you are constantly going to be filled with anxiety. We have to get into the Word. It is not an option. We have to know the Truth. We have to know Who our God is and who we are in light of that. 

2) Pray. Shut off your phone. Stop scrolling. Talk to the One who sees the nations as a drop in a bucket. Seek His face. Find your rest and strength from Him. Tell Him what you are concerned about and let Him carry it.

3) Stand in truth. “God has not given us a spirit of timidity (some versions say cowardice), but of power and love and discipline (a sound mind)” (2 Tim. ‭1:7‬). Because He lives, we can face tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. Stand in belief that you are going to be cared for, that all your needs will be provided. Believe God and take Him at His word.

“What if’s” may happen. They may not. But *even if* they do, God is still on the throne. We know the ending.

We don’t get “fear not” 100% right every single day; but we can choose in moments of panic or chaos to look to Jesus. Look past the “freak out” moments that we are faced with. Look past opinions. Look past fear. Fix your eyes on Him. Scripture says to “seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually” (1 Chron.‬ ‭16:11‬). He has not left you alone.

With A Thrill Of Hope

Although my posting infrequency would appear otherwise, Anna is still alive! Crazy, I know.

Funny how life drifts slowly by--whether we are rowing on top of or swimming "in the midst of" the day to day tasks. For the Dumaresq household, the Summer months held week of excitement. After watching Aimee graduate in May, my weeks were full of weddings, house sitting, traveling and seeing my "godchildren" Levi & Bayley Anna.

Excitement, but also--for some reason--Summer is one of the most difficult seasons for me. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but it just has proven to be a challenging time of year. It is as if I just feel the heat--physical summer heat, but also that spiritual furnace of refinement--quite keenly. I believe it also ties in with the humorous way we always tell God "Okay, I finished that lesson. A+. NEXT". Which, of course, He kind of chuckles to Himself (in His sweet-Father way) and says "Oh dear Child, you have just begun."

That being said, I am learning to approach Summer as one going into a hand-to-hand combat training arena. One of those "training areas" He has been working on is control. Well, shall I say my need for control. I am an observer. A thinker. I can be quite loud (hey, I'm a Dumaresq, okay?!), but I really like to be quiet. To watch. To gather information. All inside my own little controlled world. I freak out when the outcome to a situation is REALLY different than my (numerous) possible outcomes.

So, with all that in mind, life felt the complete opposite of everything listed above. Everything felt OUT of control. 

A small example was the (sudden) loss of a dearly respected gentlemen. I have often traveled with his wife as her mobile "administrative assistant". Watching those last days unfold was one of the most painful things my heart has walked through. It was quite sudden, for me at least, because I only had known that the cancer was back. I had no idea how quickly that horrid disease would spread.

 Then one night, I was listening to a few new songs I had acquired, when "It Is Not Death To Die" by Sovereign Grace began to play. I burst into tears. I can't explain it, but the Holy Spirit quietly told me that this beloved gentleman would pass within the week. 

The next morning, I received a text from my friend, telling me her husband was on the brink of Eternity. She asked me to prepare for coming to Tennessee when her husband passed. 

But I already knew.

As I packed my bags, I had to ask God some really hard questions. I felt Spiritually barren (not producing Spiritual Fruit), I had several friends struggling because of dear relatives going through cancer (and I was unsure of how to comfort), I had relationships that I was unsure of how to handle, I was struggling with that wretched thief "comparison", I felt a deep loneliness as I watched friends enter into joyful new seasons--and NOW I had to go empty myself again as a family I loved grieved the loss of a true gentleman.

IT WAS HARD. Really really hard. 

"God, I don't understand this. At ALL. Where are you? How do I do this?"

~

In every season, we need Jesus.  But, in this summer where I felt like my feet were burning with the heat of the refinement furnace, I needed Jesus in a way I have not experienced thus far in my 22 years. It was like He allowed my heart to be stripped of the things that I could possibly control--including being able to depend on myself--and sat quietly beside me. Waiting for me to let Him open up my white knuckled grasp and take my confidence in myself out of my little hands. It really hurt. I felt like He was asking me to give up something, even when I couldn't see what He was giving me in return. It felt unfair. I felt selfish, and I hated the selfishness that reared it's ugly head in my heart. 

Beautiful, cool, sweet Fall. A balm to the thirsty soul is the cool, a reminder of what it feels like to dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. 

A week or so into the change of season, I paused briefly to survey the changes brought by summer. I turned to see what Jesus had been doing while I was walking quietly behind Him. I turned...and I saw HIM. Jesus WAS there. Walking beside me in my furnace.

Quiet. Still. But oh, SO present.

And all those times when I felt like He was withholding--He drained those holding places in order to REPLACE them with HIS choice of refreshment. HIS Living Water.

He replaced my "good" with His "best". He replaced it with HIMSELF.

I had no one to really share my grief in having a gentleman I so respected pass away, so JESUS shared my grief. My sweet Jesus under-girded me with strength as I cooked, cleaned and prayed to be a sweet presence of peace as I remained the week following the funeral to help the family. 

On the days where I felt like a tiny floating cloud--of no consequence and no destination in mind--He became my anchor. He brought me sermon after sermon to listen to while at work, watering my spirit with TRUTH. He sent me letters via His sweet daughters. He sent me coffee dates and much needed texts at just the right time. He gave me hugs. He gave me strength. (P.s. You need to look up Eric Ludy and listen to some of his sermons. Just saying.)

On the days of loneliness, He gave me the balm of companionship in unlikely friends. He opened doors for fellowship with other believers--working in peace and unity, despite denominations (can I just say that if you live in the C'ville area and want to know what's going on in the Mission field--you really need to visit Advancing Native Missions "Community Bible Study" on Thursday Mornings?!). His spirit has NOT forsaken His people. His Spirit has not forsake ME. Nor has it forsaken YOU. In every single day--every single season--He gives us Himself.

~

Then it was as if something "clicked". It was as if the desire for control I grappled with--the "peace" I tried to conjure up for myself as I "clenched" onto my will--vanished as a mist. As soon as it did, one of the most beautiful things happened. JOY awakened. Like a long lost friend, TRUE Joy tapped me on the shoulder. Joy--that is not affected nor swayed by emotions or outcomes--was back. I haven't felt THAT Joy in a very long time. 

I fight tears as I type these words. Because life is hard. It's HARD. There are so many things we CAN'T control. We can't control other people--their reactions, their perception on situations, their feelings--just like we can't control the path of a hurricane. We can't control death. We can't control sickness. We have limited "control" of situations.

But. That's okay. We don't need to. 

For we are called "Friend" by the One who calms stormy seas with a word, who speaks peace to the inner rooms of our hearts, the One who "carries [us] close to His heart". He places His hand on our little head, lifting our gaze towards His dear face! He is a Mighty, Victorious Warrior--PURE in heart, free from Manipulation or Self-pity. He is not just a "good person"...He is GOOD.

Jesus is more than enough.

He isn't dead. He isn't deaf. He is NOT apathetic. His reasons for allowing, removing, or withholding something aren't out of a heart of which delights in affliction. On the contrary, "every single thing that God does comes from a heart full of love and concern" (Eric Ludy).  His answers to our prayer--be it yes or no--is FULL of Love. An unconditional, sacrificial Love. If you feel like He has been quiet, remember that His quietness is an opportunity for YOU to quiet yourself. Listen. Draw close.

~

So now, as the coolness of Fall gives way into Winter, let us run forth with Joy! Enter Advent with a quiet Thanksgiving, a confident Trust. As we remember His birth, remember that He was born FOR our Salvation--our freedom from Sin and the ability to walk in Righteousness. He came so that we might be set free from burdens. He was made humble so that He might teach us Humility and TRUST in His Father. He was born so that we might have HOPE. He was born pure so that we might become pure. We CAN'T make ourselves pure, no matter how much "good" we do. The only Way, the only Truth and the only Light (in a world of increasing darkness) has come! He is Jesus. He is big enough. He is strong enough to carry our burdens. He is Emmanuel. He is God with us! Hallelujah!


With a "Thrill of Hope",

Oft' I'm Tempted

Oft I'm tempted to doubt Thee, Lord

To doubt all Thou hast planned, 

To shy away from Thy "unseen" care, 

To dodge Thy teaching hand. 

Oft I'm tempted to accuse Thee, Lord

When my own will is crossed, 

Or even to point a finger full of blame, 

And dwell upon what was lost. 

But oftn'er still--in sweet solitude, 

So moved my own heart shall be

Remembering Thy Mercy, Grace unreserved!

Thy Quiet, Steady Strength--and such Blessed Peace!

For in these days of testing, forward shall I press,

Oh ne'er again to doubt Thee!

Setting fast and fixed, my "gaze as flint",

Til' across Eternity's threshold, Thy tender hand shall lead me.

(c) Anna D. 2015

Lullaby

I sometimes pray for my future kids. I pray for the strength to be a mom (Lord, willing) and that they would grow to love Jesus with their entire heart. I also pray for songs to sing to them, specifically lullabies. It may seem..different..but music is special to me, and I want my children (or even the kids I care for occasionally) to know how real the Love of their Heavenly Father is. Regardless of if kids have a fantastic relationship with their father here or if their dad isn't in the picture at all...the Love of God is tender and true. It's a place of safety for anyone who will call on His name.

I found this today as I was going through my journal and I realized how it's still even for us "grown-ups". When you are afraid, go to Jesus. When you cry--or when you are afraid to trust--He is your closest, truest friend. Quiet the turmoil in your mind. Sit beside Him for a while...just sitting. Listen to the comforting beat of a Heart that is filled with Love for you. He's your Father. He loves you.

Be Still (A Lullaby of Peace)

Be Still, Little One
In Daddy's arms,
for safe shall you be.
Even when it thunderstorms, 

He'll set you close upon His knee.

Don't fret, Little One
In Daddy's Arms
For truly He cares
Protected and sheltered, 

You can run to Him, 

When you feel scared.

Chorus: 

Find Rest, just rest.
Go and lay your head upon His chest.
Find rest, simply rest
And choose to trust,
for Daddy knows best.

Hush now, Little One
In Daddy's arms
There is no need to cry
He knows the thoughts
 In your heart
He'll wipe the tears from your eyes.

Find Peace, Little One
In Daddy's arms,
for He is Brave and True.
Every word that He has spoken
He will do for you.

(source:google)

(c) Anna Dumaresq

Renewing Your Strength

I feel like every time I post, the posts just get longer and longer. I suppose it could be me growing long winded. *teehee* But, truthfully, I am learning that funny things happen when you actually study scripture. Call me crazy, but when you spend time looking into the Bible, prepare yourself for your jaw to drop. That is usually what happens to me. :)

Take Isaiah 40:31. God has been giving me almost daily encouragement the last few weeks that correspond with this verse (waiting is a very common theme in life). So as I was sailing through my Isaiah reading the other night, I was just sitting on my little bed...thinking.

"Those who (1)wait for the Lord

will (a)gain new strength;

They will (b) mount up with wings like eagles, 

They will run and not get tired, 

they will walk and not become weary."
~Isaiah 40:31~

Incredible promises, right? Waiting on the Lord, Him granting us a new strength that will last as we run and will not become weary. As a young women who is a little bit tired, this is always a breath of Life for my Spirit. 

And then...I noticed cross-references. *eye-brow wiggles*. I love it when there are cross-references. I get excited. Really excited. It is like a treasure map, showing us how to "dig in" even further.

First, the little (1) is where you could also put in "Hope in the Lord", instead of wait. "Those who hope (feeling of trust) in the Lord."...those who trust God will gain new strength.

Second, the little (a):

• Job 17:9
  "Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to his way, and he who has clean hands will grow stronger and stronger."
• 2 Cor. 5:8-10
  "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not despairing; Persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed, always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the Life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."
• 2 Cor 5:16
  "Therefore we do not lose heart, but although our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."

Sin kills us--maybe not obviously (sometimes it can be very obvious), but it kills our spirits. Those little things we leave..those addictions, those unconfessed lies, the lust, that hatred you harbor...it eats at our hearts, our conciseness, and our spirits. These things may feel good at times, but it kills you quietly, for it is never satisfied with "just a little". Those addictions become stronger, those lies build, it becomes easier to hate and harbor bitterness (leading to self-pity). If left alone, each of these things will grow and grow like the disease it is.

If you talk to someone who has been saved through Jesus' mercy from a life of these things, he feels "set free" as if burdens have been lifted. Even as Christians, when we confess our sins to the Lord, He forgives us and lifts these burdens off of our shoulders. He strengthens us by taking the accusations and condemnation of sin. As we hold to the way of Righteousness--the way of Jesus Christ--our spirits grow stronger and stronger through every trial. Even as our physical bodies (like 2 Corinthians) begin to fail with age or through incredible persecution like our Brothers are suffering in the Middle East right now, we can be filled with a Breath of Life every day--Just as 2 Corinthians 5:16 says "we are being renewed day by day"!

The Little part (b) from "mount up":

• Exodus 19:4
  "You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles wings and brought you to Myself."
• Deut. 32:11
  "Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them (the children of Israel), He carried them on His pinions."
• Luke 18
  -A parable of a widow who went persistent to a Judge, pleading for justice. The Judge, fed up with how much she kept coming, decided to grant her wishes, even though he didn't believe in God. "And will God not bring about justice for His afflicted ones, who cry out to Him day and night?" (vs. 7)
• 2 Cor. 4:1
  "Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart."
• Gal 6:9
  "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."
• Hebrews 12:3
  "For considering Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I love the picture of the Lord being like an eagle--His gentle wings covering His children in a protective gesture, shading and sheltering them. He protects us. Some translations talk about "pinions" instead of "wings". For those of you who don't know exactly what "pinions" are, they are the stiff feathers on wings that specifically help in both thrust and lifting the bird as it flies. God sustains us as we fix our eyes determinedly on Him, pushing forward with endurance to be close to Him (like the eagle) and in obedience. He gives us the thrust and the strength to climb the heights. Just as the widow in Luke 18 was persistent, so we must be persistent in "doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary" (Gal. 6:9). Where God says to go, when He says to speak, or when He says "stay put and wait"--there is where we must persist until He moves us. Don't lose heart if your work seems fruitless or things are not going as planned!

So. From Isaiah 41:30:
1) Those that Trust and Rely on God will gain the strength and Hope they need.
2) The more we release the sin or distractions that hold on to us, the more God can take those burdens and bondage that tie us down--and we gain freedom in Christ.
3) God, Himself--the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the One who has a name for every star, the One whom all of Creation knows  and praises--He is our protector and shelters us.
4) PUSH  forward in eagerness to serve Him and be fruitful for His glory. He promises to sustain you, to give you the "thrust" of endurance you need, and as you spend time with Him, truly TRULY you will find "rest for your soul"--even when trials come (Matthew 11:29)!

Resting Under His Wings,

(Original Image: google)

5 Women

Are you ready for something to blow your mind? I stayed up till 1:30 the other night, simply just mulling over what I am about to share with you. In fact, it may be a 2 part post. It may get a little wordy here, but please bear with me!

 This all began with Hannah, the mother of Samuel (Old Testament Prophet found in 1 Samuel). As I was reading her story, I noticed cross references in certain verses that I had never noticed before, leading me over to Genesis. There I found Sarah. In an obvious connection, the two were alike for they both earnestly desired for a child in their old age.

Then the wheels began spinning. Sarah. Hannah. Rachel. Rebekah. Elizabeth.

Sarah: Formerly Sari, she was the cherished wife of Abraham. After years of seeking the Lord for a child (even going so far as to encourage Abraham to take other wives), He sent messengers to Abraham to bring the news that Sarah would bear a child in her "advanced age" (Genesis 18). Sarah laughed at the impossibility, but in due time, she did conceive and bore a son named Issac (Gen. 21).

Rebekah: A beautiful wife found for Issac in an incredible, direct answer to prayer from a faithful servant (Gen. 24). She, like Sarah, was unable to conceive for many years. Her husband Issac prayed earnestly to the Lord, and "the Lord answered his prayer" and blessed the couple with twin boys named Esau and Jacob (Genesis 25:21).

Rachel: Jacob won the right to marry her after working 14 years of hard labor for her father, his Uncle Laban. Rachel and her sister Leah both became Jacob's wives, but Jacob truly loved Rachel (he was tricked into marrying Leah). God saw Leah's plight, and caused her to be very fruitful, but Rachel remained barren. After struggles of jealousy and conflict, the Lord remembered Rachel and she had 2 sons: Joseph and Benjamin (Gen. 29).

Hannah: Wife to a righteous man, Hannah was also loved more than the other wives of her husband. She was advancing in years, completely grief stricken at her still empty arms. After an small misunderstanding at the Temple with Eli, the prophet prayed blessing over her. The Lord then remembered Hannah and filled her hearts desire--little Samuel was born! God gave her Samuel, and in turn, she gave Samuel to the Lord to minister before Him (1 Samuel 1)

Elizabeth: Wife to Zechariah, both man and wife were known as righteous. However, Elizabeth still lacked the blessing of hearing children's laughter in her own home. The Angel Gabriel appeared to Zechariah, announcing that Elizabeth would bear a son who was the long awaited forerunner of Jesus Christ--John the Baptist (Luke 1).

5 Women.

-Each had a Righteous Husband (possessed the favor of the Lord and followed the Law)
-Each was loved dearly by their husbands
-Most experienced some sort of incredible message or dream about their child (being told they would be pregnant, having dreams about who their child would become, etc.)
-Each underwent some sort of trial, test or waiting period
-Each was remembered by God
-Each had a son that has a significant role in Scripture

So, what's really going on here? Let me ask you this first. What is more incredible and glorifying to God: a woman who bears a child, or an older woman--still following the Lord after years of testing--receiving her hearts desire and prophecies being fulfilled before her very eyes?

But get this. God did not just give them all sons. He gave them children who would play significant roles in Biblical History--a heritage!!!! This part blows my mind. Sarah bore Issac, the firstborn of the Nation God promised to Abraham, as well as becoming one of Abraham's biggest tests in Faith. Rebekah bore Esau and Jacob--Jacob, one who wrestled with God and received the name "Israel", as well as becoming the father of the 12 tribes of Israel (his sons). Rachel bore Joseph, a tribe of Israel and also the door to bring the Israelites into Egypt so God might bring them out (and establish the Old Covenant and 10 Commandments). Hannah bore Samuel, a man full of the Spirit of God, growing up to anoint King David, the house from which Jesus would arise. Elizabeth bore John the Baptist, fore-running prophet (and cousin) to Jesus the Christ...and these are just teensy descriptions of their lives.

Do you see what I mean? I get goosebumps thinking about all this. Think about it: after countless hours pouring out your heart to God (or years), He remembers you. But it was not just a "oops, I forgot about them" mentality with God-- It was a blessing that God was preparing their hearts for, as well as giving them the opportunity to trust Him.

So, where does this leave us? I asked the Lord that this morning. Know what His immediate answer was? "With Faith. It leaves you with Faith, Anna."

Friend, whether you are waiting for your own arms to be filled, for your door of ministry to open, for salvation to come to your household, for promises to be fulfilled...have Faith. Believe in the tested word of God. I don't think that these woman have similar stories for a mere coincidence. Every tear, every prayer, every heart cry is heard by the One you have placed your trust in. "These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:7). Each of these women wanted what was good, yet the Lord cultivated their faith while planning to give them what was better. As we walk in humility with hearts desiring His will above all, He will remember our prayers. He is working all things for good, stretching and preparing us to be a Citizen of Heaven, as well as a greater  Glory for Himself. Don't lose heart. :)

Following Behind Jesus,
 Anna

P.s. If you have any additional thoughts or connections in each woman's story, feel free to leave me a note below! :)

Tried and Found True

One of my favorite things to do in my prayer time is to open up to a Psalms, and earnestly re-present it as a prayer to the Lord. It is sweet that I can agree with King David, and the faithfulness of a God has not changed. Isn't that incredible to think upon? The same God that David so earnestly loved is the same God who willingly comes and sits beside us. The same Captain of Hosts that victoriously led Israel against armies twice their size, He is the same one who puts His arm around us when we kneel beside our bed. He who sustained David during the days of being pursued continuously by Saul--this Master is the same one who sustains us with His faithfulness even hundreds of years later.

Still, His name remains to be Faithful.

 David was a king--a man who made decisions that affected an entire nation, not just his own household. Talk about pressure, huh? I love how the Psalms are filled with "Oh, Lord, please stretch out Your hand and rescue me!" and then "Praise be to the God who rescues Israel!". 1st and 2nd Samuel are filled with the challenges and triumphs of God's faithfulness to a man after His own heart--and Psalms is almost an accompanying journal of the heart cry of David during these trials. A small window into the thoughts of a Warrior King (poet) whose only hope was the Lord God. And the victorious Psalms are past  tense. God has  done this. One Psalm even pauses, almost mid-sentence, halting the petitioning with a statement: "You answered me." Fact.

Here's a cup of Living Water to savor. Think of this as advice from a King who has tried and found his faith to be placed rightly in Jehovah:

"The Lord sustains all who fall

and raises up all who are bowed down,

The eyes of all look to You, 

and You give them their food in due time.

You open Your hand

and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways

and Kind in all His deeds. 

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, 

To all who call upon Him in truth.

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;

He will also hear their cry and will save them."

~Psalm 145:14-19~

Today, if you are struggling with Faith, if you are walking in the belief that you've slipped off God's radar, or stumbling over guilt from your past--read through a Psalms. Remember that God has not  changed. The Lord is  Kind. He is  gracious. He does  satisfy the desire of every living thing (as a father, so fulfills desires that will good for us). He is near--not some far off entity sitting on a cloud, frowning at you. He also hears our cry--He actually listens. 

My challenge to you: in your own quiet time, take a psalms and offer it up to the Lord as your own prayer of faith.

"You sustain all who fall

and raise up all who are bowed down.

[...]You are righteous in all Your ways

and kind in all Your deeds.

You are near to all who call upon You.

To all who call upon You in truth.

You will fulfill the desire of those who fear You.

You will also hear their cry and save them."

It truly becomes a prayer of Faith...which is one of the sweetest things in the eyes of the Lord! 

In the Arms of One Who Remains Faithful, 

Anna

(Image source: Google)

Prepare Yourself

One of the things that never ceases to amaze is how I can read a portion of scripture over and over, yet every time I read it, God instructs me in something brand new. Recently, the Holy Spirit directed me to the story of David and Goliath. I cannot tell you how many times I have read this story, yet this time was the sweetest so far!

~

In the chapter before this story, David had just been anointed by the prophet Samuel to become the next King of Israel. The Spirit of God was strong with this young man, and was already shaping him into a true soldier of the Lord. David was traveling back and forth between his father's home and King Saul's household (for he had found favor as a musician in Saul's household), tending to his obligations at home as well as his obligations in the King's household. The story between David and the giant begins in 1 Samuel 17. At this time, the Philistines were gathered together for war against the Israelites and had brought forth an enormous man as a challenger. David, being sent with provisions for his brothers who had gone up to fight, arrived as the man Goliath came out to give his daily challenge. As the giant came out, slandering the name of the Lord as well as the people of Israel, David became enraged that Goliath would dare to "taunt the armies of the living God" (1 Samuel 17:26). Everywhere he looked, though, the Israelites were afraid and not one of the trained soldiers were able to bring themselves to go out to face the giant.

David then went before King Saul, declaring that he himself would go out to face this giant. At first, Saul attempted to discourage him. "You are too young" as well as "You are not skillfully trained as a warrior" were the Kings fears for this Young man of Israel. Yet David took confidence in the Lord and trusted the training as a shepherd (fighting off bears and lions by himself) he received just by working in his father's fields.  Saul reluctantly agreed, but tried to prepare David by suiting him up in a robe and full armor (17:38). As David moved around, he knew the armor to be too cumbersome--therefore more of a hindrance than a help. It was not fitted for David. Even a man with no training in warfare will realize the risk of going out to battle in armor that does not fit. David then took the armor off--the only physical protection he would be able to have--and picked up 5 smooth stones. These 5 stones, though simple, would have been a familiar feel in his hands. In those long days defending the sheep, David became skilled in using his slingshot. It was a weapon he had known all his days as a shepherd--a weapon he had tested and found true. David then went out and, in the powerful name of the Lord God, was victorious over his adversary--much to everyone's disbelief. The name of the Lord was exalted in a courageous, young, faithful heart.

Although you could branch off on so many aspects of this incredible story, the thing that God really impressed upon my heart was the scene between Saul and David. Saul, after taking David into his household, was concerned for the young man. Saul was a trained warrior. He knew the physical and impossible odds of sending a man which had little (or no) combat training against a man who had been trained his entire life. He wanted to equip David in the best way he could, which was to offer him protection and at least some sort of defense. However, when David took up the armor given, he found it would only become a hindrance. It was too big, preventing him from free movement. He removed the armor with the confidence that the Lord Himself would take care of him. David knew that his hands were equipped for the task and that the Lord was with him--despite appearances. (Such remarkable Faith. Whew.)

~

The Lord really showed me a simple trutht: this is exactly how it is for us. In our lives, we have people that want the best for us--to see us succeed and to accomplish great things. We will have those that offer good advice, healthy tips, child training advice or even financial help--all given out of hearts wanting to protect and help us. Yet, just as David tried on the armor, it feels cumbersome and it becomes a hindrance instead of a help. David was not out to glorify his own name, to become wealthy, popular or even as a jab to family that rebuked him. David was out to defend the name of God, for David loved the Lord his God. Just in this way, we must test the armor others offer to gird us with. I keep thinking about everyone graduating this spring (Congratulations!) and for those who are uncertain of what is next, they might very well face a downpour of "helpful advice" about what to do next. Let me just encourage you...God knows you. He knows you personally. His call for your life is the ultimate call, because He Himself made you. If you are willing to follow Him, asking for His purpose and plan to be done--brace yourself. You're in for the ride of a lifetime! :) And as everyone begins to offer different types of armor to suit you up with, take it to the foot of the Cross. Pour out your heart before a gentle and compassionate God, a God who is not intimidated by ANYTHING, much-less all of your unknown questions! He knows.

For those of us who are not graduating, I urge you to take all the latest "best tips" (whether it's the "cure-all" vinegar tips, or even how to discipline your children in a godly manner)--all the things that people tell us is "the best answer for a better you" (in other words, armor)--to the foot of the One who Created your fingerprints and who knows every fiber of your DNA. Ask the Lord His opinion on things, because He actually cares about you. Truly. Remember, anything that is not of God--not specifically fitted to you by the Ultimate Craftsman--will only become a hindrance to you walking in Victory over a very real enemy. Look to the Lord to fit you for battle, and take up HIS armor!


Looking to Him,

"Put on the full Armor of God" ~Eph. 6:10-18~

Deservest I? - A Poem

Deservest I of Life?
Nay, naught of life but death!

Yet thru His blood

My own debt was paid

With ev'ry shuddering breath.

Deservest I of Mercy?

Nay, naught of mercy but judgement!

Yet thru His love,

The spotless Son

Was wholly, freely sent.

Deservest I of Peace?

Nay, naught of peace but fear!

Yet, gently He leads

This heavy-laden heart

To waters--soft and clear.

Deservest I of Joy?

Nay, naught Joy but only pain!

Yet, my dear Jesus,

In His tender mercy

Pours forth Joy as rain.

Deservest I of Hope?

Nay, naught of Hope but sorrow!

Yet, His strong hands

the vic'try won,

We can face tomorrow!

Deservest I of Thou, Lord?

Nay, ne'er Thou but eternal separation!

Yet, still I heard

Thy tender, dear voice,

Compel me to sweet Salvation!

(c) Anna Dumaresq

(Image source: Google)

Teach Me, Lord - A Poem

Teach me Lord, to cling to Thee

When storm and tempest rail,

To cast all doubt into the sea,

And raise, in Faith, a sail.

To launch my future o'er white-capped wave,

Eyes lifted in fearless trust.

My heart content in Thee to save

This Child from every gust.

(Google)

Teach me Lord, to cast on Thee

All my heavy cares

To them o'er the side with glee

Thru never ceasing prayer.

To smile at e'ry looming wave

Though daunting they will seem

My boat of Faith shall stay afloat,

For my Captain is my King.

(Google)

Teach me Lord, to lean on Thee

When harsh winds thrust me down.

To bless the gust which beats on me,

It runs my Faith to safest ground
To watch with Joy for mornings dawn
Tho long may seem the wait
'Till safely stored, my boat shall lay
Securely tied at Heavens Gate.

(c) Anna Dumaresq

(Google)

Only Believe

Well, time most certainly flies. I apologize for my bit of an absence-- last 2 1/2 months have just kind of....flown by? One reason, mainly is because we've been a bit busy! Bible studies, lots of snow, me taking spontaneous trips....the days kind of quickly pass when you least expect them to!

We have been having quite the winter--lots more snow!

15 inches, this particular day.

Our dog looked like a dolphin, bobbing in

and out of the snow :)

I slipped up to Massachusetts a over 2 weeks ago to see my friend Jessie and

 her new little baby boy Levi Daniel!

He is so precious!

~

Another reason for a bit of a silence is that God is taking me through another season of intense prayer, wrestling, and waiting on the Lord. I have been praying a lot for my family, for our struggles, our infirmities, and even just what serving God is supposed to look like for us as a family. I want to do another post about some of the things I am learning while praying, but just know that as you pray, KEEP PERSEVERING. KEEP MOVING FORWARD! I wish my caps lock was bigger, but KEEP GOING! :) Jesus is not deaf, nor apathetic to your prayers.

~

Why do I say this? A few weeks ago, I was really struggling. I was starting to feel that I had kind of slipped off God's radar temporarily, feeling useless, unfruitful and, as I was watching friends get married and have kids, feeling that odd fear of "Oh,  no...I'm being left behind." So, I turned to my best friend. I asked Jesus for strength, for faith, and for the quiet perseverance to wait on Him. As I was reading my Bible, He gave me a verse "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe" (Mark 5:36).

"Well...that was timely....as usual."

I clung to those verses (and still am), as a promise that God has not forgotten about me and does have a purpose for using my hands to labor in His fields.

~

AND THEN...DUN DUN DUNNNN.

~

That Sunday, our pastor opened up his Bible to--you guessed it--Mark 5! I will give you a little bit of a summary, although I really encourage you to read it for yourself:

Mark, starting in verse 21, describes how Jesus had just crossed over the sea, and was (as always) quickly surrounded by a large crowd. As He walks through the crowds, healing and ministering to people, He is suddenly approached by a synagogue official. This man, Jarius, threw himself at Jesus' feet pleading earnestly for Jesus to come and heal his daughter. His little girl, around the age of 12, was dying. "Please come and lay hands on her, so that she will get well and live", he implored (Mark 5:23). Jesus immediately began to follow Jarius to his home, pressing through the crowd. As they pressed through, a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years reached out her hand to touch Jesus, knowing He was her only hope and believing He could make her well. She was right, for as soon as she touched Him, she was healed! (By the way, for those of you who are not familiar with the customs, she was considered ceremonially unclean for 12 years and therefore could not make sacrifices or mingle with those who were "clean"...that's a BIG problem). Jesus knew she had been healed and had stopped to speak with her, saying "Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace and be healed of your affliction". While Jesus was still speaking to her, men from Jarius' home came and told him the devastating news--his little girl had died. They urged Jarius to stop bothering Jesus and to come home to mourn. Jesus turned and looked at Jarius--"Do not be afraid any longer, only believe".  Jesus went to Jarius home and, after baffling the assembled mourners by putting them out of the house and saying that the child was only sleeping, Jesus commanded the girl to get up. The child, lying on the bed, immediately got up and began to walk. They were all astounded!

~

First off, isn't it interesting that Jarius' daughter had been alive for the same amount of years that woman had been suffering with her illness? Pretty intriguing. Throughout this entire story, as I re-read it, I kept thinking about Jarius. Jarius was a synagogue official--He had status and was considered a man of importance. In a time where Jesus was saying things that were unbelievable and hard for the teachers and scribes to understand, this man threw aside his own pride and cast himself at Jesus mercy. He loved his daughter, and humbled himself in order to receive her life back. He showed humility in a crowd of people in his own town....at Jesus' mercy. Can you imagine his delight when Jesus began to follow him to his own house!?

Then. A distraction occurs. Not only does this man, Jesus and the apostles have to press through an enormous crowd, but there's a woman who needs Jesus too. I keep thinking of what Jarius must have been thinking--what was he doing during all of this? His daughter is dying...yet Jesus took the time to speak with this woman who needed help for 12 years. But Jarius said nothing. While Jesus was still speaking to the woman, Jarius' servants came and gave him the news he never wanted to hear--his little child was gone. What did he do? As they urged him to leave Jesus alone about the matter, Jarius said nothing. He looked to Jesus. Jesus said calmly and (I can bet you) gently "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe." What did Jarius do? He said nothing, but walked quietly beside Jesus, in expectation that He would take a heartbreaking situation and bring life from it. Can you imagine the heart drop he had when, upon reaching his house, he saw the mourners already wailing on behalf of his daughter and...himself? Yet Jesus said "Why make a commotion and weep? The child has not died, but is asleep." Ignoring the laughter and crazy looks, Jesus brought 3 apostles, Jarius and his wife into the bedroom where the body of the child lay. Jesus picked up the little girls' hand, looking at her, said "Little girl, I say to you, get up!"...and she opened her eyes and obeyed. Jarius had stepped out in humility, obeyed in quiet trust and was able to see the fruit of where he chose to put his trust--life through Jesus Christ.

~

I want that. I want to have the same reaction as Jarius--when situations seem hopeless, when it seems like God has "detoured", when I feel like God isn't working "quickly enough for me", to instead look directly at Jesus. Do not be afraid any longer, only believe. Instead of crying and complaining over fears, panicking over illness, worrying about things that are out of my control or even about my life-- to instead, fall in step behind my Master. I want to always choose humility and trust in the one who breathes Life into dry bones. Trust and Obey. Plus, just as Jesus healed a woman on the way to Jaruis's home, you never know what He is doing on the way to visiting your house! :)

Trusting and walking quietly behind the Giver of Life,





Small Miracles

Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned and baked, and cleaned some more. I was supposed to head out to see a friend for tea around 12:30, planning to swing by the grocery store to pick up last minute things for the Strawberry Shortbread I was bringing. However, I lost track of time AND when I got into the car I was driving for the day, the dashboard was lit up like a Christmas tree. So, after a car switch, I ended up leaving aroun 12:55. For most people, 20 minutes can sometimes be made up in some way by shortcuts and such...unless you live a SOLID 35-40 minutes from the area you're supposed to be at AND have to do a grocery store run. Obviously my friend wouldn't be offended at being late, but I wanted to honor the time she set aside for me. So I did what I usually do--prayed.

"Lord, I need help. It's supposed to start snowing any minute AND I'm supposed to be at her house in 30 minutes (1:30 was our set time). Would you please somehow clear the way for me, and get me through traffic and through the grocery store?"

I started just singing and praising the Lord as I was driving (He is an awesome car buddy), just talking to Him and thinking about things He has done. As I drove, little flakes started drifting down. AAAAUGH.

"Lord, please hold off the snow until after I have tea with Leigh Ana."

When I finally pulled up to the grocery store, it was a steadier falling of delicate snowflakes. But it didn't phase me. I got out of the car, walking with a determined step--my list scrolling through my mind.

~

While I approached the doors to the store, I happened to overhear the Grocery Cart-Collector (for lack of a better title) talking with an older woman in a very friendly, sweet manner. He waved at her, said "God Bless" then proceeded ahead of me to the cart rack. We made eye contact as I passed, and I smiled and said "Hello!". He nodded, smiled and said "How are you?". "Good thank you!" He went back to pushing carts into place, and I headed on inside the store. I can't really explain it, but I just felt so content and peaceful in the company of Jesus, that despite the snow and me being late, I just was pretty smiley. Maybe even joyful. ;) I walked quickly through the store, grabbing my small handheld basket full of needed items.

Source: Google

After grabbing the yogurt (very important to have good culture...;) ), I efficiently weaved my way to the front...where I found....Lines. Lots of lines. With only 2 lanes open. I had mostly produce with no bar codes, so I decided to bypass the self-checkout due to my reputation with them. I picked the less-lengthy line and settled myself into wait, just smiling and enjoying the peace in my heart.

Source: Google

Then. A tap on my shoulder. I turned hesitantly. It was the Grocery Cart-Collector, with his outdoor winter gear on. I was a little confused, wondering if I had done something wrong.

 "Ma'am, you look like you're in a hurry.Come with me."

I was thinking "ooook...what's going on? I am in the middle of a line, and he comes to get me out of everyone?", but I followed him anyways. The GC-C took my basket from me, then led me quickly over to a self-checkout. I was thinking "OK, I guess I can try it." 

Source: Google

Well, I did not have a chance to try. The GC-C, in his big winter coat and scarf, did not let go of my basket. He proceeded to scan quickly ALL of my groceries for me, meanwhile telling me how much he loved baby carrots, and seemed surprised that I was grocery shopping for my mom. His fingers flew over the keypad as he punched in produce codes by memory, smiling and sending items quickly down the conveyor belt. I just kind of stood there, unsure of what to do and feeling really blessed! He asked how I was paying, then pushed the Debit button for me. As I scanned my card, he went to the end and bagged all of my groceries for me. I was smiling so big because it felt like it was Jesus maneuvering me through the store and then checking out my groceries for me. I said "Thank you so much...that was a huge blessing!". He smiled, handed my my groceries and said "You're welcome!". When I stepped outside, my heart filled with joy, it had stopped snowing! I got to my friends house at 1:42.

~

God didn't have to do that. I mean...honestly, I would have lived if I had to sit in traffic and have to wait in the lines. It was not a huge thing...just a small request for help, in order to honor someone else. Yet, I asked for His help in something small...and I felt His smile and delight in showing me how even the man who is supposed to be collecting carts can reflect His love for me. That, as a Father loves when his daughter asks him to undo a lid or tie a knot, Jesus loves to take care of us...actual care of us. We just have to ask.

~

Being a Christian--following and obeying Jesus--does NOT mean life is all "daisies and butterflies"...it does NOT mean that you will not go through intense hardships, even extreme loss. So many people believe that if they become a Christian, money and success will pour out of everywhere. Also, another belief is that we will never have to worry about anything. But sin is sin, and it affects every single person's life in this world...Christian or not. Sin kills, pollutes and destroys. Provision for our needs will pour out---not necessarily popularity and acceptance that the world would crave. Trust me. People who follow Jesus are usually not popular. However, following Jesus does mean that you have a source of actual real Joy,  Unshakable Peace, and  Indescribably HOPE despite the corruptness of the world around us. The world can steal our possessions or even our lives...but the Joy of knowing and being loved by Jesus, the one who came to set us free from our sins, so we might learn to love righteousness and Him....THAT, no one can ever steal! There is no sweeter privilege than to be called a follower of Jesus. Nope. None. :)

God Bless, 

P.s. If you want to know more about Jesus or what I mean by no one ever being able to steal our Joy (or anything I talked about), feel free to email me! I love talking about this Jesus I follow. :)

Source: Google

True Answers to Prayer

Today, I just need to tell people of God's faithfulness. So, after planning on doing a "how this last year has changed my life" post, I am instead doing a "Specific Prayers Answered" because I want people to see how God answers prayers--big and small.

• I was told 12/18/2012 that my Skin Graft surgery would be the 24th. I laid on the examination table,crying with mom after the surgeon left the room. After mom and I had spent weeks being SO careful in wound care and I had bypassed so many Christmas activities because of concern, it felt like my best was not enough. I felt terrible because something I had accidentally done caused something that would be costly to mom and dad monetarily.YET. As soon as I turned my thoughts to the Lord prayed for strength, He filled me with SO much incredible peace that I floated out of the doctors office, all smiles and joyful. :)
• I prayed that God would give me a doctor who I would feel comfortable with= God gave me the sweetest doctor for my first visit--I am always a little concerned about who my doctors are, yet the doctor God provided immediately made me feel at ease. (As well as the nurses...they were so great!)
• I prayed for strength= God answered this in many ways, but specifically through friendship. I skyped with some of my dearest friends, as well as called my friend Miriam. I talked to Miriam on the 23rd (and the day before surgery #2), and Jesus caused my heart to overflow because her. I was anxious, yet as I prayed with my sweet friend, Jesus came and sat down with me. He's pretty sweet like that.
• I prayed that God would bring peace and that His hand would be evident= The morning of my surgery, God made it SNOW. :) It wasn't supposed to (that I'm aware of), but as Mom and Dad drove me in, I began praying for peace. As I prayed, there were little flakes drifting down. It was so sweet. It snowed the entire way, creating a peaceful quiet drive.
• I prayed that I would be able to enjoy Christmas eve somehow= Because I don't have feeling in part of the back of my right leg, I was not put 100% under anesthesia. This was an answer to prayer, because our family loves Christmas Eve and I wanted to be conscious for the evening. I slept a little that afternoon, but I was fully conscious for the evening. :)

Enjoying some early Christmas presents

• Continued prayer for Strength= God gave me Rachel as my sister, and she also doubles as my personal butler Reggie when I'm injured/sick. I slept downstairs on her bed for over a month while she camped out on a mattress on the floor, taking care of me. <3 I really appreciate her, and we have SO many hysterical stories of midnight madness. ;)
• I asked for help regarding bruising, poor circulation, reactions to medicine= God is a sustaining God, full of mercy and grace. He gives strength to the weary and bears us up on eagles wings. He gave us wisdom about how to battle sore spots from laying on the bed, terrible circulation (I woke up and my feet were turning purple several nights), and the medication making me feel terrible. He was a gentle hand on my head, as a father smooths the curls of the child he loves, so Jesus caressed my weary head on His chest. He also provided some smart ideas of how to help position me better, as well as some humorous scenarios. (We were desperate enough to put a blanket in the microwave for a little while--it just lead to some of them smelling like popcorn..haha!)
• The I would know Jesus had a purpose for this= I had friends that texted me almost every day (some who live out of the country), my pastor and friends who called, 4-year-olds sending "Miss Anna" coloring sheets, and complete strangers bringing my family meals. It felt like the arms of Jesus were encircling my family! I cried so many times at a timely bible verse, or a note. His purpose was that I might know Him better---that's a pretty special thing.
• I prayed for good news and if bad news, then peace= After my week after surgery checkup, I went with the anticipation of being finished with all the "not bending my leg at all", super uncomfortable stapled bandages, and sleeping in my own bed. However, I instead received the news that my next surgery was going to be on the 9th, this time, with the potential to be in the hospital for 1 week+. YET, there was joy and peace in my heart, and again I walked out with a all smiles!
• I prayed for relief of stress for my mom and myself= The week between surgeries was hands down a complete answer to prayer. I got to have my huge bulky bandage replaced for a smaller one AND was able to shower and move a bit more freely. I told my mom that this was my sanity week--God gave me a lull in the spiritual and physical storm. It was SO sweet. We laughed all week, I was animated and even baked. :)
• For the next surgery,I prayed that I would be sunshine to the medical personnel and a light to those around me throughout my stay= After I prayed that, I felt such joy and peace that I smiled the entire day we spent in the waiting room. (Originally my surgery was supposed to be at 2 (?) so I wasn't supposed to eat/drink from the night before, but it ended up being around 4?)
• I prayed that God would make our time in the waiting room fruitful and joyful= My pastor Bill and worship leader Joseph came to the hospital to pray with me in the waiting room. This was actually an incredible blessing to me, and as we just sat and chatted, God used all of our laughter and conversation to cheer my family up and bring peace even more so to my heart. (And I also hope it cheered others up as well)
• I also prayed that God would send me Christian nurses and doctors= This short little nurse came in to do surgery prep, and she was so sweet. She made sure I was completely comfortable, and as she left, she looked me straight in the eyes and said "God Bless you."
• I prayed for protection during the surgery= I apparently had a small allergy to the anesthesia, but it cleared up quickly.
• I prayed for favor with my nurses and doctors= According to my family, all the staff were thrilled with how quickly I responded and with my cheerfulness. Some of them said a few really sweet comments, which also blessed me.
• I prayed for humor and fun things= I have a load of stories. One of my favorite stories was (Since it was on my upper leg, I had to lay on my stomach.) waking up at 5:00 a.m. and adjusting my head from the left to the right. As soon as I did that BOOM there were 2 doctors standing RIGHT over me (apparently they're pretty sneaky) saying "Uh..we just wanted to let you know that your doctors will be in shortly."
• I prayed for a speedy recovery= So, the day after my surgery all of my doctors came in and said "You have a choice: You are doing so well that we feel comfortable with releasing you. So, you can go home today, or you can go home later this week." YAHOO! My mom was thrilled. :)
• This time, when I came home, I was WAY more with it and as soon as I walked up my stairs, I saw 2 huge care packages from friends in CT and in NH. There was much excitement and giggling as Jesus showered me with overwhelming love through those gifts (they were soon followed by more!)
• I prayed for answers= Although there are things I will never know this side of eternity, I was actually incredibly blown away with the fact that Jesus told me several reasons why He was allowing me to walk through this. The one I will share with you is so that I might know His tender care. He cares for His sheep. Sweetly.
  
  ~

I have more stories throughout the 3+ months it actually took for complete recovery (super bad weakness and still pain), but I do not want to completely swamp you all! ;) I do want to say this though: God took my mistake, loved me enough to allow refining and trials, and He brought me so much closer to himself through this. Because of all of this, I am at a far closer walk with the Lord--I talk to Jesus..and He replies. Just like that. Because God loves me, He took my hand and walked with me through every day when I was laying in complete vulnerability. He sat beside my bed, wiping every tear, singing over me with songs of Joy and Hope.

"The Lord is refining me as silver, my faith like gold.
He has purposed good things for me,
to satisfy my spirit and the cry of my heart.
[..] Lord, may I learn every lesson that you would teach me."
[1/14/13 Journal Entry]

Anyways, as you are all moving from Thanksgiving to Christmas prep., know that God moves and He truly and faithfully answers prayers. If you are praying about things right now and feel like you are not getting answers, KEEP PRAYING!  His name is Faithful and True. He will surely answer those who call upon His name!

In Him, 

(P.s. I counted, and I had over 100+ people praying for me and my family. Crazy! If you were one of them, thank you!)