Overcoming Jealousy

(Image source:Google)

"Wow. I wish I was as cute as she is....", "Why do they have so much money? And why do they go out and buy 13 new shirts? I wouldn't do that if I had half as much money as they do", "Why do they have so many friends and I'm stuck at home?", "Why do they get to go there?", "Why did I get all the horrible genes in my family? My friends can eat whatever they want and still look fabulous?", "Why didn't you bless me as much as you did them, God? You are always doing things for them", ....."Why doesn't God love me as much as He loves them?"

Over and over, the questions bombard us. Despite the gender. Despite the age. There will always be someone, somewhere with something that we desire. Attractiveness. More money to do "fun" things. Freedom. Companionship. Less responsibility. Even the way in which God seems to love them more. I mean, He must love them more because their life is great. Right....?

Jealousy is one of the hardest, sneakiest, and most destructive things to a human soul. It creeps into our minds at unsuspecting times, comfortably making itself at home.

I have found that it does 4 things:

1) Jealousy causes me to realize what others have
2) Jealousy causes me to realize what I don't have
3) Jealousy causes me to question the why I can't have what they have
4) Jealousy causes me to question God's character
(because obviously He loves that person more than me...right?)

I have struggled with jealousy in my own heart. Through these past few years, as life looks a little different than I had imagined for myself, I have repeatedly come face to face with my flesh rearing its ugly head. Mind you, it is ugly. The truth is, I don't like to be left out of things. I don't like to be "left behind" as others move through exciting new stages of life. I don't like staying at home while my friends get to go off on adventures. I get lonely. I don't have a swarm of friends waiting for me to have a day off so we can go do fun things. *begin mournful background music* ....that sounds pretty pitiful, huh? :)

A few years ago, my sister and I had a mutual friend with whom we were very close. We both loved this girl to bits, cherishing each moment we had with her. However, because we are competitive (unconsciously), jealousy crept into the picture. If this friend had a deep talk with one of us, immediately the other would feel left out. That sister would want to have a chance to talk with this friend, too. On and on and on and on. We were jealous of the affection we saw being bestowed on each other.

One day, as I was thinking about the situation, I realized how wrong my attitude was becoming. How ungodly is it to covet a blessing being bestowed on another person? Jesus showed me how I was damaging my relationship with my sister, and also on this friend. It was causing a strain in our three-some, putting pressure on our friend to continually "balance" her time. As I repented, I asked the Holy Spirit to purge out the spirit of Jealousy and to show me how to actually run from Jealousy. I am so glad to report that correcting my own heart attitude has helped so much. For the last few years, the three of us have been able to have a sweet fellowship and my jealousy towards my sister (or her time with this friend) is no where to be found. So, Anna, if I struggle with jealousy, how do I combat it?

Well, I'm glad you asked! ;)

1) Realize Your Jealousy is Wrong
As uncomfortable as it is, jealousy is jealousy. Calling it by any other name doesn't change the fact that it leads us to doing wrong--whether in our outward treatment of others or even sinning in our own hearts. When we begin to treat others differently, growing more agitated or looking for ways to have people feel sorry for us (which is self-pity). Jealousy provokes us into believing that others owe us something--attention, sympathy, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how destructive this is in relationships. Not only destructive, is simply a wrong attitude to have towards our Brothers and Sisters in Christ! If we are supposed to love those who speak ill of us and talk about us behind our backs, how much more are we supposed to love those who are in our day-to-day lives!

2) Repent
Frequently in our culture, a "solution" to problems we face often leaves out repentance. Repenting simply means to actually feel remorse about what you did (or the thoughts in your heart)...actually being sorry. When we are discontent with what the Lord has given to us and linger on that dissatisfaction, we are actually kind of informing Him that He doesn't actually know what we need--or that He shows favoritism. Neither of which are anything near the truth. "The Father knows what you need before you ask Him" is truth (Matthew 6:8). When we dwell upon what He has given to others, we challenge Him that He is a good Father and often turn to blaming Him for not giving us those "good gifts". It breaks my heart to think of all the times I have grieved the Lord by pointing out to Him "His lack of goodness to me" by seeing fit to give me a small circle of friends (most of which are out of state). The only way we can truly have victory (in any area!) is by repenting.


3) Praise God For What You Do Have
What on earth am I supposed to praise the Lord for when I am watching others live a life with perks? Good question. For starters, do you have ears? Can you hear a worship song? Do you have eyes? Can you see the colors in a sunset? Can you see the wildflowers dancing in the sunshine as you drive by?Do you have the ability to read? Are you able to sing (even off key)? Praise Him that He has given you the ability to breathe! When I'm struggling intensely or overwhelmed, sometimes it's the simplest of prayers that get my mind back where it should be--on Jesus. You can't imagine the power that comes when we turn our thoughts toward Jesus. The devil knows that when we take our eyes off of our Savior--and turned toward ourselves--that is when we stumble and doubt Jesus (think Peter sinking when he tried to walk on water). By taking our eyes off of "all the things I'm missing out on" and redirect them to the Lord, we realize what He has given us. He has allowed us to be in relationship with Him! We have daily chats with the Creator of the Universe. What other religion has actual communion with a God who wants us to know His love, but also to share His love with people who need it? A God of compassion, a Warrior who never fails to come through on His promises, a God of Music and laughter, a God who does not forget the orphans and widows, who promises that the proud will be humbled and the humbled will be exalted. If that doesn't get you started on praising the Lord, email me because I could give you a few more! ;)

4) Pray For That Person/Situation
This is awesome--and can be difficult to put into practice. However, I have learned that it is almost impossible for me to stay jealous or angry at someone when you pray for them. Try it. Not just a mamby-pamby "God bless such-an-such". If you are jealous of a friendship, pray for those people. Ask the Lord to bless their friendship, pray that each of them would be strengthened and encouraged. Thank the Lord that He brought forth a friendship for them...and ask the Lord to be close to you as you feel lonely. Ask Him to open your eyes to anyone who may need a friend. Again, this is one of the best ways to help me redirect my thoughts towards Christ. Pray for those people. If you are struggling with not feeling as pretty as someone else, ask the Lord to draw them to Himself in a close friendship. Pray. Pray. Pray. When you're done, and if you're still feeling icko...pray some more! :)

Don't get me wrong--this is not "Anna's Quick Fix to Jealousy in Just 4 Easy Steps!". I still combat jealousy. The question is, what do we do with it when we find it in our hearts? The further I walk with the Lord, the more He is showing me how to let Him weed out the things in my heart that are causing me to stumble. I am growing to be disgusted whenever I find jealousy in my own heart...and I know that realization is a gift from the Lord. When we are disgusted with something, we want to put that thing far from us. I want to put jealousy far from myself. In fact, I want to hightail it away from jealousy faster than you can shake a stick at me. Whatever that means. **snickers**

Anyways, I hope this will challenge and encourage you! Remember that "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13). He can help you overcome. Keep looking to Him. He has never failed His children. :)

With Love, 

P.S. I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, ask a question, or just someone to pray for you as you are working through your relationship with the Lord--I would love to hear from you. 

"Comparison is the Thief of Joy." ~ Theodore Rosevelt

A Cheerful Face

Some days, I just want to be grumpy. I want to walk around, looking like my body feels--tired and wilted. Sometimes I don't want to think "What Would Jesus Do?" because I know that will bring me out of my "woe is me" mentality. And to my flesh, selfishness feels good, plus grumpy sometimes seems easier than being cheerful.

~

You weren't expecting that, huh?  Well, I've been thinking about words and actions the last few days. When you feel like you have excuses--sometimes several--it is SO easy to slip into a mentality of "I'm not doing well, and I don't want to act like I am fine" OR " I need someone to comfort me". This is one area the Lord really challenges me in, especially the last year. I have been tested, re-tested and re-RE-tested (I am apparently hard headed) with issues, challenging my faith AND my heart attitude. God allowed testing through stomach issues, burns, bad hip problems, poor circulation, migraines, and now some intense back pain because He desires me to trust Him with my whole heart and not rely on my own capabilities, strength OR on others for comfort. There are times in which God has put his hand over my mouth in order to keep me from spilling my complaints to others--He wants me to run to HIM and trust HIM first. Cheerfully!

~

 As it gets closer to the 1-year marker of getting burned (which I actually am planning a blog post about that, but you can get a quick reminder here : http://cheerfulquill.blogspot.com/2013/01/annas-story.html ), one of my biggest regrets about this time was the fact that I did not keep a continual cheerful heart and keep glorifying God as much as I needed to. I was so sick of dealing with TONS of minor details in taking care of myself AND feeling physically/ spiritually exhausted, that I let my heart slip into a place of self-pity. Others may say "well, you had good reason to be" and "compared to others, you were great!", but I disagree. You see, Jesus looks at the heart. What is my heart saying when my leg is burning with pain, my feet are turning blue because of poor circulation, I haven't had time with Jesus and I have to remember to take my inhaler because of my lungs filling? I may be smiling, but what is my heart whispering? Am I praising God for life, for my family, for good care? Or am I continually asking "why me, Lord?!".

The enemy wants us to stay in selfishness and thinking about our problems, so THAT'S when we know we need to run back to Jesus quickly! So the question is HOW do we do this? How to do we cultivate a cheerful heart? I am thrilled you asked. ;)

1) Humble yourself and take a look at your sin---look at the thoughts of your heart when your parents tell you to do something, when you keep getting interrupted while working, OR when you receive an answer that you truly did NOT want. It's pretty ugly, huh?

2) Repent and ask Jesus to clean you up. Actually say "I'm sorry" to the Lord, because it's against HIM that we have sinned. Sin is not just some distant bad thing, it is actually an action against our Heavenly Father. So, saying that we are sorry and meaning it? That's really important AND very special to Jesus.

3) Ask God to help and grant you cheerfulness, despite your day-to-day scenario. It is the times when we DON'T want to think "what would Jesus really do?" that are the MOST important times for us to ask that question. When I am about to grumble in my heart (usually over-spilling from my mouth), think about the character of Jesus and would he actually refuse to help someone? Would he roll his eyes at his parents or get angry when he was interrupted? (By the way, I challenge you to look up Mark 6:34, and Matthew 14:14 in his responses to having people need him all the time). Ask Jesus to fill you with Joy!

4) Think on verses that encourage you to trust God and rejoice in him, no matter how you FEEL. Because Jeremiah 17:9 says that "The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick;". We can't trust our hearts to be our guides, despite what Disney says. Verses are one of our defenses against the enemy, because even he knows how powerful the Word of God is. Find verses special to you and memorize them!

(One of mine is "The Joy of the Lord is your strength!" (Nehemiah 8:10) )

5) SING. Sing even if you can't sing. Sing even if the dogs howl with you. :) Scripture says that praise is becoming to the upright (psalms 33:1-3). When we willing choose to sing and praise God, it gets our focus OFF ourselves and back on Jesus, our moods will change and our hearts will start to rejoice. Try it and see. ;)


So, as I am seeking to continually pursue a cheerful and joyful heart, I challenge you this week to do the same. Make a conscious effort to take every thought captive, especially the grumbling ones, and ask the Lord to forgive you and change your heart! Then start praising him!

Rejoicing in the God of My Salvation!

Spot Cleaning

I want to share a little story with you. This summer, while my family was in Canada, I had a chance to talk with one of my "big brothers". For those of you who know my family, we don't actually have any brothers. Yet God has blessed me so much with some dear brothers-in-Christ, who feel like they are actually blood related!  So I was talking with my "brother" Gabe about what God had been teaching me and he began sharing things that God has done in his own life this year. Gabe currently has a 2 month old daughter, and he occasionally has to get up in the middle of the night to take care of her. One of these nights, God met him as he was praying in the midst of caring for his daughter. As Gabe was praying, suddenly  his favorite movie from years ago came to his mind--a movie that he actually gave up because he felt it was against God (This friend and his family have actually gotten rid of their TV/videos/game systems years ago). Although he had thrown out the movie years ago, God walked him through the movie, showing him the intense violence and other things that actually are offensive to the pure Spirit of God. Gabe was able actually apologize to God for willing watching something that was repulsive to God, and to ask Jesus to forgive him. It was so neat to hear him talk about it and to see the continuing work of purifying and cleansing in Gabe, especially because I know how much he loves the Lord!

About 2 or 3 days after we arrived home from Canada, I was cleaning the house and suddenly I felt an urge to go up to my room and pray. So I went quietly into my room and began to pray earnestly. Suddenly, I started thinking of "random" things--movie titles, books I used to read, and computer games I played when I was a young teenager. I was immediately taken aback, because all of the things that were scrolling through my head were things that Lord had previously asked me to give up years ago. Finally I realized I should probably be paying close attention, so I grabbed a pen and began to list all the movies I used to watch, the games I used to play, and the books I formerly read as they came to me. It was quite a list. Some of the things I hadn't thought about in years. 

You know, from an outside perspective, most of the movies and things I was watching/reading "weren't that bad".....YET, even though they were normal to the people around me, they actually grieved the Spirit of God. I know that as soon as I watched those movies, Jesus left the room. Some of the movies looked harmless to me...except for the fact that they broke God's law---a law that I want to (and have chosen to) follow because of my love for my Savior! As I was praying, God began to walk me through my past and scroll through parts in different movies and games. Things like violence, sensuality, lust, taking the Lord's name in vain (which, by the way, is almost impossible to find a movie that doesn't), and also things that encouraged rebelling against my parent's authority. One of the main games was a game that had magic in it---witchcraft specifically. It started out a fun game, but little by little, it would take you nearer and nearer to a certain part of the game where there was a ring of magic that I know is evil. I thank the Lord that He protected me at a young age and caused me to throw the game away, even before I got too far into the levels. I was young and didn't really think about it, but when God showed me that it was actually evil and in opposition to His sweet spirit, it kind of put things into perspective.

After I began listing and asking the Lord for forgiveness, I started feeling clean! Like, squeaky clean! The more I asked for forgiveness, the lighter my heart felt, and the more I wanted to come up with more things to apologize for! :) Haha! I call this part the "fine tuning" in my heart, because although I had dealt with getting rid of them physically, God began detail "spot cleaning" and cleaning small spaces in my heart that I hadn't realized were still dirty. I asked the Lord to break any ties that were still attached to my heart, clean me up, and fill me with his sweet spirit. And He did. Let's just say that the Joy of the Lord is unlike any kind of happiness that this world holds out to us!

~

All I know is that I want Jesus to be my closest friend. I don't want to exclude him from any area of my life. I know there are things in my life that He is still working on---in fact even this week He asked me to give him 2 things that I have been holding on to**---and every time I have given something up for the Lord, I have never regretted it. Ever. In fact, I feel miserable when I don't give up the things He has asked of me! So as I continue to ask the Lord to show me things in my own life, I would challenge you today, dear friend, to ask the Lord if there is anything in your life (past or present) that hurts Him, or is grieving his Spirit. Ask him about the movies you're watching, the music you listen to (Christian music too! Seriously, just because it's "christian" doesn't mean you should always listen to it!), and the books you read. When He points out things, because He always does,get rid of them, ask for his forgiveness, and ask him to wash you completely clean! You will feel the burdens of sin and dirt lift from your shoulders AND your heart!

In His Sweet Name, 

**Another story for another time

P.s. If you have any questions about why I feel like God has asked me to give up TV/certain movies/books, or just have questions about anything I wrote today, feel free to email me at anna.dumaresq@gmail.com.

A Poor Exchange

I was reading the other day in Psalms, and I know there are 150 Psalms, but have you ever read through them and felt like you were reading it again for the first time?

That was me.

I was reading Psalm 106, and the text jumped out at me because I'm also in Exodus. For those of you who aren't familiar with 106 right off the top of your head, the psalmist is recounting the deeds of the Lord toward Israel. He is also recounting the ways in which the Children of Israel stumbled and sinned against God--which are quite numerous. (I feel like this is a chapter filled with "and yet". The children sinned, and yet God had compassion. The children of Israel stirred the Lord to jealousy, and yet he stayed his hand.)

But the main thing that popped out to me was this verse:

"And they exchanged the glory of God for the image of an ox that eats grass." (106:20)

Sure, you can skim over it easily, but just sit and think about it for a moment. The very people whom God called unto himself and set apart as his own, set free from YEARS of captivity, provided EVERY need for them, shown wonders which no one had ever seen before, and instructed them to make a building so he would be able to dwell WITH his chosen people(did I ever mention how incredible that is?!)--they said "thanks, but no thanks", quickly forgot the testimony God had provided for them, and had a man of importance make for them a cow. That is one of the most frank verses I have ever read.

Part of me wanted to laugh at the image of a simple cow, but the reality is, this is so often ME. So often I exchange experiencing the glory of God's presence for simple things--one more page in a book, 10 more minutes on the computer, or just a few more minutes of sleep. I easily forget the goodness of God, the sureness of His character, the solid evidence of his faithfulness, and place my own "grass eating ox" in the place of glory. Something that seems like an answer, yet is not my Savior.

What a poor exchange.

And yet He is so quick to forgive us...to call us beloved. He has placed his own hand upon us, one that cannot be removed by any earthly power. When we come to him, in humility and repentance, He gladly lifts up our head and calls us by name. What an incredible God we serve.

As I continue to think about (and repent) of the things I am trading, I encourage you to also consider what are areas in your life where you've (even unknowingly) traded the GLORY of the Lord? What are things that keep you from seeing the full glory of God?

In His Arms, :)
~Anna