Turn the 'What If' to 'Even If'

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wrestling with anxiety even more these days. From world news to personal situations in my own life, the temptation to grow discouraged is quite real. My mind so easily can slip into a place of worry. I follow the spiral of the what ifs. "What if" this doesn't work out? "What if" things get worse? "What if" this person gets sick? "What if" I can't figure things out?

What if. Our minds can spin into a place of despair as we search for control in the midst of the unknowns. I was convicted by my own need for control when I listened to a sermon on the book of Daniel. The pastor sharing spoke about how we, as believers, need to change our vocabulary. In a world paralyzed by fear from the what if, we need to walk forward in faith. Brothers and sisters, we have to go from what if to even if. 

Even if chaos surrounds us, even if we are faced with uncertainty and presented with opportunity to give into fear—we have a hope and an anchor beyond the veil. Beyond the things we can see right now in this (temporary) world. His name is Jesus.

He was persecuted. He was rejected. He was crucified. He died SO we might live. SO that we might be reconciled with God. SO that we might have hope and a tested truth to cling to. SO we might have freedom from sin—from lust, gossip, idolatry, coveting, immoral behavior, murder, and more. SO we can have peace—peace that isn’t determined by everything going “ideally” in our lives.

So. How do we do this? How do we go from fear of what if to the facing of our even ifs.

1) Cling tightly to scripture and I mean CLING to it. Hold fast to “the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Heb.‬ ‭10:23‬ ). If you are looking to the news or to some person to give you "peace" or assurance, you are constantly going to be filled with anxiety. We have to get into the Word. It is not an option. We have to know the Truth. We have to know Who our God is and who we are in light of that. 

2) Pray. Shut off your phone. Stop scrolling. Talk to the One who sees the nations as a drop in a bucket. Seek His face. Find your rest and strength from Him. Tell Him what you are concerned about and let Him carry it.

3) Stand in truth. “God has not given us a spirit of timidity (some versions say cowardice), but of power and love and discipline (a sound mind)” (2 Tim. ‭1:7‬). Because He lives, we can face tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. Stand in belief that you are going to be cared for, that all your needs will be provided. Believe God and take Him at His word.

“What if’s” may happen. They may not. But *even if* they do, God is still on the throne. We know the ending.

We don’t get “fear not” 100% right every single day; but we can choose in moments of panic or chaos to look to Jesus. Look past the “freak out” moments that we are faced with. Look past opinions. Look past fear. Fix your eyes on Him. Scripture says to “seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually” (1 Chron.‬ ‭16:11‬). He has not left you alone.

What 2017 Gave Me: A Lesson in Honesty, Trust, and Letting Go

Happy New Year, folks. It's hard to believe that we have finally landed in the year 2018.  It is also hard to believe that I haven't posted anything since AUGUST. *gulp*

Just to recap.

September: Full of new experiences -- running the Charlottesville Women's 4Miler, adventuring through New York City, continuing to get into the swing of my new crazy life schedule, corn-mazes with friends, camping trips, and throwing Spudnut a crazzzzyyy surprise "sweet 17" party. 

October: I slipped down to my family's cabin with my sisters and a friend for a much-needed weekend retreat on the lake. October also found my sister Rachel moving back home after some unforeseen circumstances, which brought some changes to the house--and a lot of sunshine. <3 Numerous hikes, exploring sunflower fields, football games, and some incredible sunrises filled my Fall!

November: Exploring parts of Canada, adventuring through Boston, local waterfalls, a true southern-style huge family Thanksgiving and also visiting my godchildren! Basically...I was gone a lot. Heh.

(Rudd Family Thanksgiving 2017)

December: Toss in some more hiking, crazy adventures, work, 2018 adventure planning, AND CHRISTMAS. Throw in a ugly sweater New Year's party, a bunch of hours in the car and about 300 hours worth of loudly sung Christmas carols....and that's pretty much a wrap up of the last few months. 

(Charli, Rachel, Aimee and myself)

(Blue Ridge Mountains)

(Gettysburg, PA)

_

If you follow me on Instagram (annadumaresq), you may have also picked up that I had some difficult things going on this year. There were a lot of unseen "growing pains" occurring. Some of the growth that occurred brought joy; however, some of the growth brought a lot of painful awareness. Truthfully, as 2018 approached, I realized how much my heart was hurting. The year 2017 has been a roller-coaster of lessons. Lessons in trust. Lessons in humility. Lessons in healthy emotional boundaries. Lessons on letting go. I think I needed a reminder of how desperately this world needs Jesus--christians and non-believers alike. We all need Jesus every single day. This year made me remember why. 

The big thing that the Lord had to tenderly (but painfully) reveal to me in 2017 was how much I trusted others above HIM. I ran to others for help (emotionally and mentally) before I thoroughly exhausted HIS help. Just to remind you...His help can't be exhausted. ;) 

Just like any good caretaker, He started pruning things that were causing me to be weighed down or preventing me from seeing HIM clearly--the wholeness that comes from a relationship with HIM. Not from friendships, not from romantic relationships, not from spouses or MONEY. In Jesus Christ. He pruned some friendships that I held too tightly. He pruned hidden pride. He pruned the over-self-reliance. I have been facing tough questions that I wish with every fiber of my core that I had answers to--questions like..."why won't God heal me" and "why did they hurt me". I've been rendered silent because I can't actually answer these questions--some of these are answered with a quiet choice to believe in the unblemished goodness of God's character. You never can fully comprehend the intimacy of a friendship with Christ until He is your ALL. No backups. No plan "B". Jesus Christ has to become ALL.

Honest moment: As all this was happening, I slowly watched myself emotionally withdrawing from a lot of social circles. Not that it's a horrible thing (especially since I'm an introvert..hehe)...it's just that...I really have a hard time trusting people with my whole self. I know we all tend to have a hard time opening up to people, but I've seen a lot of hypocrisy in my twenty-some years. I've seen Christians shred each other to pieces. People see the goofy, smiling side--but very few see the deep things I'm passionate about. Few people see the things that make me cry. After I found my heart healed this summer from something that happened about 4 years ago, I could feel a joyful willingness to know and be known by those around me. I wanted to share the passion and convictions that burned in the core of my heart. Heading into 2018, I know that some of the things that happened this fall caused me to falter in the freedom I had obtained. I rebuilt some walls that need to be broken down again. I need to gain that ground back from the enemy's camp....and by the grace of God, I'm going to.

Anyways. Long story short. 

I don't know where 2018 found you. Maybe you're sailing through life, maybe you're newly engaged, maybe you just found out you are expecting a child, maybe you just got your dream job. Or...maybe not. Maybe you just lost your baby...or watched the test come up "negative" again for being pregnant. Maybe you watched a future you built up crumble between your fingers. Maybe you're not the same person you were January 2017. Maybe you love who you are today. Maybe you feel like a little boat without an anchor--being tossed around from wave to wave. Maybe you're looking for a reason to live one more day. 

Wherever you are--you aren't alone. I don't know why it takes pain and weakness for us to truly LEARN who God is--and the significance of WHY Jesus had to come to earth. But if I learned anything this year, I have witnessed that it is at our complete darkest that the light of Christ has capacity to shine the brightest. I have relearned that I can't let the devil use circumstances to cloud my perspective of God. I have relearned that when we stand empty-handed before God, He fills us up and gives us the sweetest gift--Himself. I don't have all the answers to these big questions. But He is a big God. He is undaunted by my fear, my growing pains...and my BIG questions. He's ready for YOUR big questions.

So I leave you with a 2018 reminder of who God is--yesterday, today, and forever. 

- God is full of LIGHT. Pure light. 

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." // 1 John 1:5

- God WILL take care of you.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? // Matthew 6:26

-God does not and CANNOT lie. He WILL bring to pass every promise concerning you. 

"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? // Numbers 23:19

-God is your shield--your defender and shelter. 

"As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." // Psalm 18:30

-God is full of compassion for you. 

"The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.// Psalm 116:5

-God is just. He is a righteous judge and the wicked will not go unpunished.

"And the heavens proclaim his righteousness, for he is a God of justice." // Psalm 50:6

-God is a present friend...He takes up our everyday burdens and puts them on Himself. 

"Praise be to the lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens" // Psalm 68:19

-

Wherever you are today--be it rejoicing or wrestling--choose to rest in the promises of God. Even when you don't understand or can't "see"...choose the childlike faith in a Father who fulfills every promise and is undaunted by our fears. He will never leave you! Trust Him.  

Happy New Year, friend. 

In Him, 

An Image Bearer

I love flying. I love the hustling, the walking, the anticipation as you wait on the runway. I love strolling up and down the halls during a layover (I know, I know. I'm crazy!). Mostly, I really love people watching.

I made a trip to New England recently, bringing me to a layover in the Charlotte, NC airport. [Side note: Can I just say how much I love that airport? Full of sunlight, faux trees, and wooden white rocking chairs. As far as airports go, a layover wandering those halls was pretty pleasant!]

As I boarded the first leg (in Boston) of the trip, I noticed the...uh...abundance of grumpy people. If you want to find a grumpy person--check the airport. However, before I got too sidetracked by staying out of their paths, the Lord reminded me of my mission as a Christian: we are little Image Bearers of Christ. We are to be little Jesus'--wherever we go, whatever we do. Whether we are handing out tracts on the streets of the Broncs, or walking through through Airport security. This being said, as I was waiting to hand my ticket to the security guard, I found myself smiling. Really big. I don't know why--but all of a sudden I got a super goofy grin on my face. I couldn't stop.

I walked through security, beaming at the grumpy glares shot my way. Eyes got big as I met the gaze of disgruntled passengers. I grinned as I walked down the terminal. I started humming softly as I waited for the call to board. Honestly, I just kept thinking about how much Christ actually loves me. How much He dearly loves all these people that were streaming past me. He sacrificed His own life for every single person--even those that reject Him. He gave Himself for the teens with dark eyes. The tired moms cleaning up spilled goldfish. Hunched over elderly gentlemen. Business men with spotless shoes. I kept thinking, and I kept smiling more (I may have even started whistling)! Then, as I walked through these sunshine-filled halls of Charlotte, I had another thought. What if my smile is the only smile someone sees today? What if I'm the only person that really looks them in the eyes? What if I am the only Christian they come into contact with today--or this week? What would I want someone to know about Christians, simply by seeing ME?

As I have walked with the Lord, I really REALLY believe that Christians (should) look different. Not weird different (although, now, we are starting to be considered REALLY weird), but we are "the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing" (2 Cor 2:15). We are to be different. We are to look different from the people surrounding us. For those who have found the kind of Hope which only Christ brings, there comes with it a peace, JOY inexpressible, and a quiet trust. We are to be LIGHT amidst darkness. We are to radiate the Love of Christ. 

I want to be different. I want to be so full of Love that people can tell I genuinely care about them. I want compassion to be in my eyes, words of kindness on my lips, arms prepared to serve, and a humility settled within my heart--a heart which knows who really IS to be praised. His name is Jesus. 

What about you? For those of you who follow Christ, what would your friends (those who call themselves Christians and those who don't follow Christ) say about you? That you are quick to argue or that you are a keeper of Peace? Is your mouth the first to "dish out juicy gossip", or do you intentionally go out of your way to encourage others ? What does your facebook say about you? What do your texts hold? What would that slow cashier at the grocery store say about your patience? Do you continually complain (even on social media) or are you looking for ways to help? What do your eyes say about the condition of your heart (Matthew 6:22)?

Most importantly, what would the world say about Christians by looking at you?

Friend, may our hearts be pure, TRUE reflections of the Image of Christ. May we be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry", full of "[peace], gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere" (James 1:19, 3:17). May we be truly different from the rest of this world.

In Him, 

Small Miracles

Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned and baked, and cleaned some more. I was supposed to head out to see a friend for tea around 12:30, planning to swing by the grocery store to pick up last minute things for the Strawberry Shortbread I was bringing. However, I lost track of time AND when I got into the car I was driving for the day, the dashboard was lit up like a Christmas tree. So, after a car switch, I ended up leaving aroun 12:55. For most people, 20 minutes can sometimes be made up in some way by shortcuts and such...unless you live a SOLID 35-40 minutes from the area you're supposed to be at AND have to do a grocery store run. Obviously my friend wouldn't be offended at being late, but I wanted to honor the time she set aside for me. So I did what I usually do--prayed.

"Lord, I need help. It's supposed to start snowing any minute AND I'm supposed to be at her house in 30 minutes (1:30 was our set time). Would you please somehow clear the way for me, and get me through traffic and through the grocery store?"

I started just singing and praising the Lord as I was driving (He is an awesome car buddy), just talking to Him and thinking about things He has done. As I drove, little flakes started drifting down. AAAAUGH.

"Lord, please hold off the snow until after I have tea with Leigh Ana."

When I finally pulled up to the grocery store, it was a steadier falling of delicate snowflakes. But it didn't phase me. I got out of the car, walking with a determined step--my list scrolling through my mind.

~

While I approached the doors to the store, I happened to overhear the Grocery Cart-Collector (for lack of a better title) talking with an older woman in a very friendly, sweet manner. He waved at her, said "God Bless" then proceeded ahead of me to the cart rack. We made eye contact as I passed, and I smiled and said "Hello!". He nodded, smiled and said "How are you?". "Good thank you!" He went back to pushing carts into place, and I headed on inside the store. I can't really explain it, but I just felt so content and peaceful in the company of Jesus, that despite the snow and me being late, I just was pretty smiley. Maybe even joyful. ;) I walked quickly through the store, grabbing my small handheld basket full of needed items.

Source: Google

After grabbing the yogurt (very important to have good culture...;) ), I efficiently weaved my way to the front...where I found....Lines. Lots of lines. With only 2 lanes open. I had mostly produce with no bar codes, so I decided to bypass the self-checkout due to my reputation with them. I picked the less-lengthy line and settled myself into wait, just smiling and enjoying the peace in my heart.

Source: Google

Then. A tap on my shoulder. I turned hesitantly. It was the Grocery Cart-Collector, with his outdoor winter gear on. I was a little confused, wondering if I had done something wrong.

 "Ma'am, you look like you're in a hurry.Come with me."

I was thinking "ooook...what's going on? I am in the middle of a line, and he comes to get me out of everyone?", but I followed him anyways. The GC-C took my basket from me, then led me quickly over to a self-checkout. I was thinking "OK, I guess I can try it." 

Source: Google

Well, I did not have a chance to try. The GC-C, in his big winter coat and scarf, did not let go of my basket. He proceeded to scan quickly ALL of my groceries for me, meanwhile telling me how much he loved baby carrots, and seemed surprised that I was grocery shopping for my mom. His fingers flew over the keypad as he punched in produce codes by memory, smiling and sending items quickly down the conveyor belt. I just kind of stood there, unsure of what to do and feeling really blessed! He asked how I was paying, then pushed the Debit button for me. As I scanned my card, he went to the end and bagged all of my groceries for me. I was smiling so big because it felt like it was Jesus maneuvering me through the store and then checking out my groceries for me. I said "Thank you so much...that was a huge blessing!". He smiled, handed my my groceries and said "You're welcome!". When I stepped outside, my heart filled with joy, it had stopped snowing! I got to my friends house at 1:42.

~

God didn't have to do that. I mean...honestly, I would have lived if I had to sit in traffic and have to wait in the lines. It was not a huge thing...just a small request for help, in order to honor someone else. Yet, I asked for His help in something small...and I felt His smile and delight in showing me how even the man who is supposed to be collecting carts can reflect His love for me. That, as a Father loves when his daughter asks him to undo a lid or tie a knot, Jesus loves to take care of us...actual care of us. We just have to ask.

~

Being a Christian--following and obeying Jesus--does NOT mean life is all "daisies and butterflies"...it does NOT mean that you will not go through intense hardships, even extreme loss. So many people believe that if they become a Christian, money and success will pour out of everywhere. Also, another belief is that we will never have to worry about anything. But sin is sin, and it affects every single person's life in this world...Christian or not. Sin kills, pollutes and destroys. Provision for our needs will pour out---not necessarily popularity and acceptance that the world would crave. Trust me. People who follow Jesus are usually not popular. However, following Jesus does mean that you have a source of actual real Joy,  Unshakable Peace, and  Indescribably HOPE despite the corruptness of the world around us. The world can steal our possessions or even our lives...but the Joy of knowing and being loved by Jesus, the one who came to set us free from our sins, so we might learn to love righteousness and Him....THAT, no one can ever steal! There is no sweeter privilege than to be called a follower of Jesus. Nope. None. :)

God Bless, 

P.s. If you want to know more about Jesus or what I mean by no one ever being able to steal our Joy (or anything I talked about), feel free to email me! I love talking about this Jesus I follow. :)

Source: Google

A Glimpse

I have felt quite behind in getting back into a routine since mid-December! Haha! However, we had a super sweet Christmas with just our immediate family. Usually we have other family (aunts, uncles, etc.) around, but this year it was just my parents and us four sisters. I was still feeling under the weather, but we really enjoyed the sweetness of Jesus' Birthday. Rachel was home from Canada for a few weeks--needless to say we had a lot of laughter!

Christmas Eve

A night of unique Christmas sweaters and goofy faces

aheh. Goofy faces.

Her present hadn't come yet, so we showed her the picture of it and

I thought it needed a bow to truly be a present. :)

Rachie thoroughly enjoyed her calendar :)

Rachel got me a new Bible!!!! ah...praise God!

I enjoyed wearing the onesie my friend made for me!

Time for lunch--we do a big lunch around 1:00 

Aimee's favorite thing to make--Homemade mashed potatoes 

We always get glass bottles of soda, and this year we had snazzy straws

Well, just wanted to share a few pictures with you all. It was also really sweet because Jesus was just with me the entire day...and there's nothing like celebrating someone when they're there with you. :) I pray you all had a sweet day, and if you had a really hard one, just be reassured that Jesus is worth celebrating every single day of the year...so you can even rejoice today that He was born, in order that we might be saved! Praise God! :)

(Google)