Now You Shall See...

It is incredible to me how I can read the same passage of scripture over and over--yet it is always new. I feel like the Holy Spirit is quickening new things to me or God teaching me more about my humanity and His power every single time I open the cover of His word. 

I have been working through a Bible plan and recently found myself in Numbers 11. In this chapter, we find the Israelites complaining and weeping over all the things the had lost because they were following Moses around in the wilderness. They longed for the things they knew from their past. They were lamenting over the foods they were provided with in Egypt--meats and fresh vegetables in particular. It got to a point (and remember that there were COUNTLESS Israelites by now) that the Lord grew incredibly frustrated with them. To be honest, I get frustrated just reading about it!

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It grew to be so intense and such a weight that Moses asks the Lord to kill him because “(he) alone (was) not able to carry all the people, because it is too burdensome for (him)” (N. 11:14). He was extremely clear in his communication with the Lord. "Why have you been so hard on your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all this people on me?" (Numbers 11:11). He believed that it would be better to cease from existing than bear the weight of an entire nation on his shoulders. Truthfully, I can't blame him. To have hundreds of thousands of people looking to you for every need or to answer every question would be completely overwhelming. I find myself at a loss in trying to help care for the needs of the people around me. I cannot imagine the weight of Moses' burden. 

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But, the interesting thing about this chapter is the back and forth between God and Moses. I always find it interesting the dialogues and interactions recorded between the Creator and the created. But in this particular chapter, it is a series of events where the people complain, God grows angry, Moses grows frustrated and wants to quit. But right as Moses comes to the end of his rope, when there is no way forward, God MOVES. Instead of removing Moses from authority, God told Moses to gather 70 men around him and to "have them take their stand there with you" in the tent of meeting (11:16). "Then I will com down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit who is upon you, and will put HIM upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you will not bear it all alone" (Numbers 11:17). 

He then told Moses to tell the people that he would satisfy their cries for the physical satisfaction until "it comes loathsome to you because you have rejected the Lord who is among you and have wept before Him, saying "Why did we ever leave Egypt?" (11:20). They craved for the things of the past even though He was satisfying their needs and had made His dwelling place in their midst. He was providing every single day, yet they craved the past. 

Yet God responds with a profound statement. 

“Is the Lord’s power limited? NOW you shall see whether 

My word will come true for you or not” (Numbers 11:23).

Instead of removing Moses from the place he was set, God raised up people around Moses and poured out His Spirit on them. Instead of allowing Moses to hide or run, He provided a way forward despite what seemed impossible. This calls to us in examining our own lives. Is the Lords power limited” in today? Scripture is called the Word of God because God cannot lie—therefore it is THE Truth. Do we keep looking to the “logical outcome” of situations when God is saying “Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not” (v23)? Do we search scripture for what He says and then TAKE Him at His Word? 

So what are you running from today? What weight are you carrying today that seems as if the burden will crush you? What do you keep trying to give back to God because it's painful and He seems to be letting you hold it longer? How often do we find ourselves overwhelmed by the lack of resources, our own abilities, the weight of responsibilities, or even just LIFE? Moses response was “please kill me at once”. We may wish for this portion to be taken away, this season, this weight, this “thorn in the flesh”—we want it gone *NOW*. We want to run away as quick and as hard as we can. But what if we choose take Him at His word? His power is not limited. Go into a quite place and seek His face, just as Moses cried out. Search His unshaken, immovable, tested and proven true Words. Find the promises of God in scripture and take Him at His Word. THIS is how we strengthen our faith. We believe His Word and submit to His purposes—even if it includes trials—because we trust HIM. So in your place of frustration or weakness, look for His hand to provide a way *forward*. His power is not limited, nor His hand too short to save. 

If It Scares Me...

“It scares me, so I’ll do it”. That has been my motto for the last 11 months. If you know anything about me, it's that I'm adventurous--but careful. I try to navigate things and choose the route with the least risk involved. I'm always up for a road trip or going to new places, but when it comes to people, I proceed with caution!

Last year was challenging for me. I had a lot of things happening all at once. I had a relationship end, several job changes, school challenges, and I just found myself very emotionally weary last summer. I had lost weight and so drained that I didn't know what to do with myself. I also came to the realization that I had a very real enemy breathing down my neck: FEAR. I have battled anxiety and fear my entire life. Some seasons, I am able to walk in more victory than others. However, last year, it was crippling. I realized that my coping methods had actually not been healthy and I was suddenly really afraid of...everything. I was afraid of what people thought about me, how much money I was (or was not) making, where I lived, my choice of degree and even just who I AM as a person. I had a lot of sleepless nights last year!

I finally came to a low place late last summer. I physically couldn't handle the way I was carrying all the fear of man and the things I had grown so insecure about. So I made some changes. I started receiving counseling, which helped IMMENSELY. Seriously. If you have been considering counseling but need that last little push--do it. It gives you a platform to stand on and a way to articulate feelings/thoughts that you don't know how to articulate. Aside from counseling, one other thing that I started to do was to say 'yes' to new things. Not EVERY single thing. Saying yes the things that I wanted to do, but was afraid to do. I started saying yes to things I could potentially fail at. This meant saying yes to the unfamiliar. I traveled to new places. I said yes to being on a podcast to talk about grief, something which is really vulnerable that I keep close to my heart. I said yes to receiving counseling and I also said yes to joining a growth group. I said yes to moving into Charlottesville with friends. I said yes to continuing my degree and being okay with some unclear details about the future. I said yes to allowing myself to be more vocal about Truth. I said yes to transparency--the good, bad AND the ugly truths. I said yes to opening up my creative side again!

Some of them seem less “scary”...but each one has been a step for me. I learned to not be ashamed of how God made me. God made me gentle, soft-spoken and yet spunky. I was afraid gentleness meant weakness or an excuse to get run over--but it is not. As I've been learning to do things that feel 'risky', I've also seen that I am made is exactly how God intended. Obviously I am not perfect (I wish!). BUT. I am made to be gentle because God designed me to be able to gently handle the people around me. He made me spunky and quirky in order to make people laugh. He made me a listener because I get to use that in my ministry. My gifts are designed for the ministry before me. It's not weakness--it's a strength. It can be scary and beautiful all at the same time!

It’s okay to find yourself afraid sometimes. Life can be pretty scary. BUT what if, instead of running from the possibility of failing, we look for the possibility of GROWTH? I’ve messed up many times this year; however, I have also seen how far I have come because I keep TRYING. God has picked me up each time and I have never been left alone. Truthfully, I haven’t grown because I succeed at everything I want to do. I’ve grown simply by saying “I’ll do my best” to the things that scare me. And honestly, in saying yes, you might just find that the giftings, talents and abilities that God has given you are strengthened by stepping out in faith. You might just see some things blossom as you take that risk. 
So, this is your little encouragement to try to do one thing that scares you. Whether it’s asking that person out, making that blog post, or having that conversation. Try one thing that scares you. Try one thing that you might risk failing at--one thing you might GROW from. Try it--one day at a time, one yes at a time. ♥️