“It scares me, so I’ll do it”. That has been my motto for the last 11 months. If you know anything about me, it's that I'm adventurous--but careful. I try to navigate things and choose the route with the least risk involved. I'm always up for a road trip or going to new places, but when it comes to people, I proceed with caution!
Last year was challenging for me. I had a lot of things happening all at once. I had a relationship end, several job changes, school challenges, and I just found myself very emotionally weary last summer. I had lost weight and so drained that I didn't know what to do with myself. I also came to the realization that I had a very real enemy breathing down my neck: FEAR. I have battled anxiety and fear my entire life. Some seasons, I am able to walk in more victory than others. However, last year, it was crippling. I realized that my coping methods had actually not been healthy and I was suddenly really afraid of...everything. I was afraid of what people thought about me, how much money I was (or was not) making, where I lived, my choice of degree and even just who I AM as a person. I had a lot of sleepless nights last year!
I finally came to a low place late last summer. I physically couldn't handle the way I was carrying all the fear of man and the things I had grown so insecure about. So I made some changes. I started receiving counseling, which helped IMMENSELY. Seriously. If you have been considering counseling but need that last little push--do it. It gives you a platform to stand on and a way to articulate feelings/thoughts that you don't know how to articulate. Aside from counseling, one other thing that I started to do was to say 'yes' to new things. Not EVERY single thing. Saying yes the things that I wanted to do, but was afraid to do. I started saying yes to things I could potentially fail at. This meant saying yes to the unfamiliar. I traveled to new places. I said yes to being on a podcast to talk about grief, something which is really vulnerable that I keep close to my heart. I said yes to receiving counseling and I also said yes to joining a growth group. I said yes to moving into Charlottesville with friends. I said yes to continuing my degree and being okay with some unclear details about the future. I said yes to allowing myself to be more vocal about Truth. I said yes to transparency--the good, bad AND the ugly truths. I said yes to opening up my creative side again!
Some of them seem less “scary”...but each one has been a step for me. I learned to not be ashamed of how God made me. God made me gentle, soft-spoken and yet spunky. I was afraid gentleness meant weakness or an excuse to get run over--but it is not. As I've been learning to do things that feel 'risky', I've also seen that I am made is exactly how God intended. Obviously I am not perfect (I wish!). BUT. I am made to be gentle because God designed me to be able to gently handle the people around me. He made me spunky and quirky in order to make people laugh. He made me a listener because I get to use that in my ministry. My gifts are designed for the ministry before me. It's not weakness--it's a strength. It can be scary and beautiful all at the same time!
It’s okay to find yourself afraid sometimes. Life can be pretty scary. BUT what if, instead of running from the possibility of failing, we look for the possibility of GROWTH? I’ve messed up many times this year; however, I have also seen how far I have come because I keep TRYING. God has picked me up each time and I have never been left alone. Truthfully, I haven’t grown because I succeed at everything I want to do. I’ve grown simply by saying “I’ll do my best” to the things that scare me. And honestly, in saying yes, you might just find that the giftings, talents and abilities that God has given you are strengthened by stepping out in faith. You might just see some things blossom as you take that risk.
So, this is your little encouragement to try to do one thing that scares you. Whether it’s asking that person out, making that blog post, or having that conversation. Try one thing that scares you. Try one thing that you might risk failing at--one thing you might GROW from. Try it--one day at a time, one yes at a time. ♥️
