Overcoming Jealousy

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"Wow. I wish I was as cute as she is....", "Why do they have so much money? And why do they go out and buy 13 new shirts? I wouldn't do that if I had half as much money as they do", "Why do they have so many friends and I'm stuck at home?", "Why do they get to go there?", "Why did I get all the horrible genes in my family? My friends can eat whatever they want and still look fabulous?", "Why didn't you bless me as much as you did them, God? You are always doing things for them", ....."Why doesn't God love me as much as He loves them?"

Over and over, the questions bombard us. Despite the gender. Despite the age. There will always be someone, somewhere with something that we desire. Attractiveness. More money to do "fun" things. Freedom. Companionship. Less responsibility. Even the way in which God seems to love them more. I mean, He must love them more because their life is great. Right....?

Jealousy is one of the hardest, sneakiest, and most destructive things to a human soul. It creeps into our minds at unsuspecting times, comfortably making itself at home.

I have found that it does 4 things:

1) Jealousy causes me to realize what others have
2) Jealousy causes me to realize what I don't have
3) Jealousy causes me to question the why I can't have what they have
4) Jealousy causes me to question God's character
(because obviously He loves that person more than me...right?)

I have struggled with jealousy in my own heart. Through these past few years, as life looks a little different than I had imagined for myself, I have repeatedly come face to face with my flesh rearing its ugly head. Mind you, it is ugly. The truth is, I don't like to be left out of things. I don't like to be "left behind" as others move through exciting new stages of life. I don't like staying at home while my friends get to go off on adventures. I get lonely. I don't have a swarm of friends waiting for me to have a day off so we can go do fun things. *begin mournful background music* ....that sounds pretty pitiful, huh? :)

A few years ago, my sister and I had a mutual friend with whom we were very close. We both loved this girl to bits, cherishing each moment we had with her. However, because we are competitive (unconsciously), jealousy crept into the picture. If this friend had a deep talk with one of us, immediately the other would feel left out. That sister would want to have a chance to talk with this friend, too. On and on and on and on. We were jealous of the affection we saw being bestowed on each other.

One day, as I was thinking about the situation, I realized how wrong my attitude was becoming. How ungodly is it to covet a blessing being bestowed on another person? Jesus showed me how I was damaging my relationship with my sister, and also on this friend. It was causing a strain in our three-some, putting pressure on our friend to continually "balance" her time. As I repented, I asked the Holy Spirit to purge out the spirit of Jealousy and to show me how to actually run from Jealousy. I am so glad to report that correcting my own heart attitude has helped so much. For the last few years, the three of us have been able to have a sweet fellowship and my jealousy towards my sister (or her time with this friend) is no where to be found. So, Anna, if I struggle with jealousy, how do I combat it?

Well, I'm glad you asked! ;)

1) Realize Your Jealousy is Wrong
As uncomfortable as it is, jealousy is jealousy. Calling it by any other name doesn't change the fact that it leads us to doing wrong--whether in our outward treatment of others or even sinning in our own hearts. When we begin to treat others differently, growing more agitated or looking for ways to have people feel sorry for us (which is self-pity). Jealousy provokes us into believing that others owe us something--attention, sympathy, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how destructive this is in relationships. Not only destructive, is simply a wrong attitude to have towards our Brothers and Sisters in Christ! If we are supposed to love those who speak ill of us and talk about us behind our backs, how much more are we supposed to love those who are in our day-to-day lives!

2) Repent
Frequently in our culture, a "solution" to problems we face often leaves out repentance. Repenting simply means to actually feel remorse about what you did (or the thoughts in your heart)...actually being sorry. When we are discontent with what the Lord has given to us and linger on that dissatisfaction, we are actually kind of informing Him that He doesn't actually know what we need--or that He shows favoritism. Neither of which are anything near the truth. "The Father knows what you need before you ask Him" is truth (Matthew 6:8). When we dwell upon what He has given to others, we challenge Him that He is a good Father and often turn to blaming Him for not giving us those "good gifts". It breaks my heart to think of all the times I have grieved the Lord by pointing out to Him "His lack of goodness to me" by seeing fit to give me a small circle of friends (most of which are out of state). The only way we can truly have victory (in any area!) is by repenting.


3) Praise God For What You Do Have
What on earth am I supposed to praise the Lord for when I am watching others live a life with perks? Good question. For starters, do you have ears? Can you hear a worship song? Do you have eyes? Can you see the colors in a sunset? Can you see the wildflowers dancing in the sunshine as you drive by?Do you have the ability to read? Are you able to sing (even off key)? Praise Him that He has given you the ability to breathe! When I'm struggling intensely or overwhelmed, sometimes it's the simplest of prayers that get my mind back where it should be--on Jesus. You can't imagine the power that comes when we turn our thoughts toward Jesus. The devil knows that when we take our eyes off of our Savior--and turned toward ourselves--that is when we stumble and doubt Jesus (think Peter sinking when he tried to walk on water). By taking our eyes off of "all the things I'm missing out on" and redirect them to the Lord, we realize what He has given us. He has allowed us to be in relationship with Him! We have daily chats with the Creator of the Universe. What other religion has actual communion with a God who wants us to know His love, but also to share His love with people who need it? A God of compassion, a Warrior who never fails to come through on His promises, a God of Music and laughter, a God who does not forget the orphans and widows, who promises that the proud will be humbled and the humbled will be exalted. If that doesn't get you started on praising the Lord, email me because I could give you a few more! ;)

4) Pray For That Person/Situation
This is awesome--and can be difficult to put into practice. However, I have learned that it is almost impossible for me to stay jealous or angry at someone when you pray for them. Try it. Not just a mamby-pamby "God bless such-an-such". If you are jealous of a friendship, pray for those people. Ask the Lord to bless their friendship, pray that each of them would be strengthened and encouraged. Thank the Lord that He brought forth a friendship for them...and ask the Lord to be close to you as you feel lonely. Ask Him to open your eyes to anyone who may need a friend. Again, this is one of the best ways to help me redirect my thoughts towards Christ. Pray for those people. If you are struggling with not feeling as pretty as someone else, ask the Lord to draw them to Himself in a close friendship. Pray. Pray. Pray. When you're done, and if you're still feeling icko...pray some more! :)

Don't get me wrong--this is not "Anna's Quick Fix to Jealousy in Just 4 Easy Steps!". I still combat jealousy. The question is, what do we do with it when we find it in our hearts? The further I walk with the Lord, the more He is showing me how to let Him weed out the things in my heart that are causing me to stumble. I am growing to be disgusted whenever I find jealousy in my own heart...and I know that realization is a gift from the Lord. When we are disgusted with something, we want to put that thing far from us. I want to put jealousy far from myself. In fact, I want to hightail it away from jealousy faster than you can shake a stick at me. Whatever that means. **snickers**

Anyways, I hope this will challenge and encourage you! Remember that "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13). He can help you overcome. Keep looking to Him. He has never failed His children. :)

With Love, 

P.S. I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, ask a question, or just someone to pray for you as you are working through your relationship with the Lord--I would love to hear from you. 

"Comparison is the Thief of Joy." ~ Theodore Rosevelt