Whew! The last 6 days have been a whirlwind of busy, little sleep, and such sweet times with dear friends! My sister Rachel and I flew up to Massachusetts on Thursday to surprise our "Big Brother" Josh before he headed off to Boot camp and were able to stay in the area another day or so to visit with some of our closest friends. I can honestly say that God truly takes whatever small amounts of time we have a multiplies it to be such an incredible blessing!( But, I will say that I left with the thought that we should live less than ten hours from all of them..haha!) We connected again with my mum in Lancaster county, PA to get dropped off (its a midway point between Connecticut and our home in Virginia) and then proceeded to drive another 5 hours home. As we were driving home yesterday, the weekend started to scroll through my mind. So many transitions are happening-Josh is in the Army now, my best childhood friend is getting married in March, one of my favorite couples in the world are expecting their first baby this summer...So many things! Even in my own life, things have been changing. I never ever would have imagined two years ago that I would be in the place that I am currently in--Waiting on God for my next step and recovering from 2 skin graft surgeries over Christmas(I'll tell you about that later)! The last year and a half have been a period of truly just sitting before God asking "What Next, God?". For those who truly know me, I love to work hard and get things done. So going through a time where I get direction in small bits and have to sit quietly has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not to mention several injuries which reemphasize the "sitting quietly". ;)
Sometimes it's really easy to get overwhelmed with all that's happening AND when you're desperately trying to hear God wants you to do next--despite how crazy and incomprehensible it is to family and the world. BUT. God is timely, and this past Christmas I was presented with one of the best gifts I have ever received: "Strengthen My Spirit" by Charles Spurgeon. A few nights ago I was actually crying because of the weight of making decisions, changes, and because I was frustrated with myself because....I'm...frustrated....(yes...I know, it's complicated). But God directed me to this short, good word by Brother Spurgeon and I really want to share it with you.
"He Will Direct, We must Walk"
He who walks does not need to think of direction his own steps, for there is One who will direct them for him. What if sin persuades us to take the wrong path and if poor judgment makes us err through oversight? There is no need for us to choose our own fate, but we may bow before the Lord and say, "You shall choose our inheritance for us". The choice is difficult for you; do not choose your own way, but leave it to Him who sees the end from the beginning and who is sure to make the wise choice.
The burden of life is heavy-do not try to carry it, but "cast your burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain you. Commit your way unto the Lord; Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass." Do not let it be your choice; let it be God's choice.
If only we could but at once abandon our own choosing and say to the Lord, "Not as I will but as you will," how much more happy we could be! We should not be troubled by the thought that we should not direct our own steps, but we should be glad because our very weakness entitles us to cry to the Lord, "Now that I will not direct my own way, what I do not know, teach me."
~Charles Spurgeon
Even reading it again as I type it, God causes my heart to quiet down. Dear friends, even as I am learning this myself, God IS able. He has not created us, then left us alone to figure out life alone nor live in terror that we will make a mistake in decisions. We have been given promise after promise, and command after command--Trust and obey. We have to release our white-knuckled hold on "our" things-time, money, hopes, dreams...everything. A lot easier said than done, but God is gentle and patient...He will never lead you somewhere He will not go himself. :) Trust Him and obey.
"Now that I will not direct my own way, what I do not know, teach me."
Amen.
~Anna
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